Behind Door #307

nOOb

2012-02-14T11:45:00.002-07:00

It turns out that the boy I had to talk into attending live theatre with me last Spring enjoys live theatre. Even though the second show we attended, Your Brother. Remember?, was more of a miss, he still agreed that we should see nOOb, a production put on by Y Stage at Vertigo Theatre.

Inspired by the true story of Brandon Crisp, nOOb explores the behavior of a boy who is addicted to playing his xBox, running away from home when his parents confiscate the console, leading to a turn of events that cost him his life. A one-man show, the audience is taken on a journey through a complex story-line that switches between the events that happen in real life and the events that take place amongst the on-line gaming community showcasing the complications that blur one's reality.

The play is thought-provoking, asking the audience to determine what is the difference between an on-line community that "has [one's] back" and the tangible community of school and sports. Why does one play video games and where is that line that changes a person from merely entertaining one's self to addiction? And in this era of social networking, do we need to adjust our thoughts about a gaming community? Is on-line gaming any different than the FaceBook, Pinterest or Blogger community?

After the show, there was a panel discussion that allowed the audience to voice some of the thoughts and questions that arose through the viewing. Valid points that really struck myself was the idea that a kid who eats, breathes and plays sports the same way that a kid who devotes energy to a video game is not cast in the same social light. We see those athletes as dedicated,motivated go-getters. Gamers are often portrayed in a negative light as nerds who have no social skills, although they are staying up until 3 a.m. socializing as they problem solve to complete the next mission and get to the next level. A person who is absorbed in a novel can hide away for up to 6 hours (if not more) lost in a fictional world and is not treated as though they are wasting brain cells the way a gamer is. This all said, I do agree that anybody, a gamer, an athlete, a bookworm, an artist, etc., needs balance in his or her life.

We ended up seeing the final show, but if there is a chance that you are able to catch this in your city or at a later date, I highly recommend. If only for the stimulating conversation it sparked between Jason and I after. And like I mentioned, this has increased Jason's desire to attend more live theatre. Next up, a hip hop musical!

Love you, most

2012-01-26T14:02:00.006-07:00

Perfect love cannot be without equality.
- Scottish Proverb

So we may have morphed into that super annoying couple who tell each other we love the other one more. I know, right? I became part of that couple I hate, but only hate because I was so green with envy. You know what I mean. You hate that couple too because you want to be that couple.

The honest truth though is that neither of us love the other more. If one did, this wouldn't work. One of us would be giving more to the other, an imbalance would be created, feelings of resentment could rear their ugly heads and we would be on a path of destruction.

Equality in all relationships is important. Be it with your lover, your friend, your family or your co-workers. There should be give and take. You should want to do kind things for one another without thinking about what you'll get in return, but you should also feel as though there is some return. Every day I feel so lucky thinking about the things Jason does for me. This helps motivate me to reciprocate. Which in turn motivates him.

This morning I told Jason that there was no way he could love me more. Because love is not something that can be measured or weighed or calculated. Love is not a thing, but an action. And as long as we treat each other the same way, we are going to make it no matter what life throws at us. And he replied that I was right.

And this little thing, this knowing we are on the same page? It's an amazing feeling. It makes me all gushy and mushy and part of that couple. That couple that has something real and forever.

"Love is patient; love is kind; it does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
I Corinthians

Playing Grown Up

2012-01-25T10:06:00.005-07:00

Last night I was supposed to join my friends at a little espresso bar downtown to indulge in some wine and live jazz. I was so pumped to go. Until I opened my mailbox and discovered my phone bill. With a lot of charges. From the last 3 months. Oops!

I decided that there are going to be a lot of opportunities in the future to sip wine and converse while chilling out to the sounds of cellos, saxophones, drums and pianos. And called to announce I wouldn't be able to make it while I dutifully paid my overdue bill.

I could have done both. I could have gone and had a cup of tea instead of a glass of wine. I could have waited a few more days to pay my bill and enjoyed my planned evening. But part of a being a grown up is making tough choices that will benefit my future. And taking care of that bill made me feel better right away. More so than a few glasses of wine and still owing that money this morning would have made me feel.

Rainman and I have been talking a lot lately about our future. And making sure we take care of all financial obligations we each have. We talk about how we are in this together and how we will attack all loans together so that these things can be out of our lives once and for all. It's the most comforting thing in the world to know that I have a partner in all of this. We have laid it all out on the table what we each owe and to whom. Working together to get through this is helping solidify our relationship.

Which is why last night I made the grown up choice to stay home, brew some tea, pay my bill and listen to some jazz on the stereo. making sacrifices today so that he and I can have a super fulfilling life tomorrow is worth it.

Sunday Stealing: The never ending meme (that ends...)

2012-01-22T17:54:00.003-07:00

1. Song that always makes you sad? Sinead's "Nothing Compares to You". Reminds me of that time after a breakup when you think life can never go on. I get sad thinking about the girl I was at that time. I want to go back and give her a hug and let her cry.

2. Last thing you bought? New boots. My winter boots' zipper broke while at the shoe store. I can only believe it was a sign from the shoe Gods. My mom's bf gave me a gift card, so I guess I didn't really buy them...

3. Last person you argued with? I have no idea. I don't really argue with people. Maybe Jason, but when we argue, it usually is because we ask if we are interested in having a fight and it usually turns ridiculous. Especially the time we decided to sing our fight as though we were in a musical. Try it, you can't stay mad while singing :)

4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on? I sure do! I think it tastes better.

5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid? Cuddles, my cabbage patch kid koosa cat. He still sits on my shelf.

6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD? Yes. That's me in Grade Nine baby!

7. Favorite day of the week? Friday: breakfast with the 82 crew, sometimes beers after work with the sales guys, movies with Jason and no work the next day :)

8. Favorite sundae topping? strawberries

9. Did you take piano lessons? no. but maybe one day

10. Most frequent song played? "F*ck you" on Dr. Dre's Chronic 2001. I know every word to this CD and frequently have the lyrics playing in my head while looking innocent in work meetings.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? It's no secret, but I am still ashamed: Jersey Shore

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Hockey! I am Canadian after all and even though basketball was invented here, I like the feeling of cold air on my cheeks and the sounds of blades scraping on an outdoor rink after the sun goes down.

13. Date someone older or younger? I have dated younger (only a year) and prefer older (the one I am with now is 5 years older which seems to be perfect).

14. One place you could travel right now? Paris, mon amie!

15. Do you use umbrellas? Yes. But then the wind sneaks up and turns the umbrella inside out resulting in it to become useless.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? yes.

17. Favorite cheese? Gouda.

18. The Smith’s or The Cure? The Cure. I only kind of like The Smith's because they were mentioned in 500 days of Summer.

19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes? I thought brunettes, but Jason is blonde and he's hot.

20. Best job you ever had? I really like my job right now. Lots of opportunities and I am constantly learning.

21. Did you go to your high school prom? Yes. What a shit show.

22. Perfect time to wake up? between 5:30 and 6 a.m. This provides me with the ability to tackle some chores and i feel productive before even settling into my desk.

23. Perfect time to go to bed? I would love to say 10. But I usually stay up till around midnight.

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess? No. I like my rook and do not use my queen till both rooks have been sacrificed.

25. Ever been in a car accident? I sure have!

26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither? Both. I am a daddy's girl, but can count on my mom in a lot of ways too.

27. What age is this exciting life over for you? I have no idea, but I hope its when I am into my 80s.

28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? The 80s. The 90s was fun, but I think the fashion in the 80s would have been fun to wear as a teenager (what the kids are wearing now I guess).

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? My apple green skate shoes. Followed closely by my over the knee boots.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? Yes. Jason makes fun of me for still wearing some things I bought in high school. But classics are classics and I haven't grown a whole lot in the last 12 years.

31. Were you in track and field? Yes. I joined because I had a crush on a boy on the team. I started running to hang out with him more. It didn't work out, but I still enjoy running :)

32. Were you ever in a school talent show? No.

33. Have you ever written in a library book? Yes. I have a bad habit of jotting down my thoughts in the margin when a passage speaks to me.

34. Allergic to? Nothing.

35. Favorite fruit? Strawberries. Followed by watermelon and bananas.

36. Have you watched American Horror Story? No.

37. Baseball hat or toque? Toque

38. Do you shampoo or soap up first in the shower? Shampoo

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? Wet the toothbrush

40. Pen or pencil? Pen

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? Yes. But it's not really my thing. I actually feel depressed in the casino watching people become drones looking for that big payout to take care of their problems. I would rather invest my money

42. Have you thrown up on a plane? Yes. Longest 1 hour plane ride of my life.

43. Have you thrown up in a car? No. But I have been too drunk and had a car pulled over so I could throw up on the side of the road. I know. Classy.

44. Have you thrown up at work? Yes.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters? Yes. Most of the fun is being scared :)

46. How many shoes do you have? More than 50, close to a hundred. I don't think I should count.

47. Who was your first roommate? Nimet

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? Vodka Slimes and Candy Apples in the bar, before that I would drink a lot of Mike's Hard Lemonade to get the job done.

49. What was your first job? Company's Coming Cafe

50. What was your first car? My 2010 Corolla Sport :)

51. When did you go to your first funeral? When I was around 11. A good friend of my parent's lost her battle against cancer.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? I have never moved from my hometown. I love this city!

53. Who was your first grade teacher? I have no idea.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Ontario

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I never snuck out of the house actually. Perks of being from a broken home is that no one really noticed what you were up to.

56. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? Um...Hillary maybe? And no.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents’ house? In a town home with Tannis and Danny. Kerker moved in shortly after. He was the best roommate ever.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Jason ♥

59. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Jamie LeBoubon's

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Check Twitter. See what's happening in the world.

61. What was the first concert you attended? The Tea Party or possibly Edgefest.

62. First tattoo or piercing? First Tattoo is my shooting star. First piercing is my belly button.

63. First celebrity crush? Brad Pitt. He's looking older, but still handsome. Leo DiCaprio is up there too!

Red Shoe Diary

2012-01-19T12:13:00.003-07:00

Do you remember the show with Fox Mulder before he was Fox Mulder? Where he discovered his wife had an affair on him, devastating him and turning his world upside down? And the only thing he could do to work through the pain was to take out an ad in the local paper asking for stories about other adulterous relationships? Ahhh Showcase (Showtime in America)...you had some real gems.

Yesterday marked the launch of The 2012 Red Pump Project, an initiative to bring awareness to the impact that AIDS and HIV have on women and girls. On March 10, 2012 (a very special date in my world p.s.), they want you to rock your red pumps, showing your support for the cause. That's right! A movement for charity that involves shoes on MY BIRTHDAY means 100% I will be rocking my red pumps (possibly a reason to buy anew pair??)!

I have a lot of girl friends that love the shoes. This could be why we are friends or it could because most girls love the shoes. I have a lot of guy friends that love shoes too. And I don't think it has to red pumps only, feel free to proudly march in your red sneakers, your red loafers, your red rain boots. Let's make sure that every one knows that red is the new black!

Whatever you choose to wear that day, can you do me a favor? Snap a picture and send it to me via twitter (@lowqis) and hashtag with #redshoediary so I can create a Red Shoe Diary of my own and live vicariously through all of your red pride.

Word Play

2012-01-17T18:21:00.003-07:00

The scene: cubicle farm
Characters: Jo, LB and Desi

Jo: I love the word banana. It's my favorite word [says banana a few times to herself]
LB: My favorite word is lexicon. It sounds like a super villain or something
Jo: It's crazy how some words just do that to you...just...
LB:... resonate. I love the word resonate too
Jo: Oh! me too!
Desi: I love the word panties. It sounds so nice

[End Scene]

Just another typical conversation on our work reality show I'm Serious*

*Seriously, does anyone want to come film us? We're like this all day folks.

Blue Monday

2012-01-16T13:02:00.005-07:00

Calgary has been hit with its first real cold snap of winter. Because we have been so spoiled all season, we are being extremely whiny about it. What would humans do without weather to complain about though, right? The cold drive us all indoors and we hibernate and isolate ourselves within insulation. Apparently today is the most depressing day of the year (taking into calculation the weather, the lack of motivation, debt, time since Christmas and time since failing your New Years Resolution). This of course was a science commissioned by a company for advertising purposes, but one could see the affects that winter is having on those around them and understand why the need to create a calculation would come about.

This past weekend I was reading an article about SAD, season affective disorder, and how it appears to affect many people living in Northern North America (i.e. Canada). I do not suffer from SAD luckily, but I wondered if this had to do with hibernating when it's cold out. I know that I have often left my office on cold winter evenings to rush home and the idea of leaving the warmth of my house, even to get groceries, is not appealing. Even now, thinking about walking to my car and waiting for it to warm up sends shivers down my spine.

I am trying to fill my head with a lot of warm thoughts today: memories of Jamaica, the soup Jason and I made on Saturday night, jalapeno peppers, cozying up under a blanket to read, fireplaces, hot chocolate, bubble baths, etc. etc.

I don't normally mind a bit of winter. I enjoy lacing up my skates to shoot the puck around at the community rink. I love the feeling of the wind hitting my face as I zoom down a hill on either a snowboard or a sled. I revel in the solitude,holding Jason's hand while walking the dog after a fresh snowfall. The perfect temperature for this would be around -10 degrees Celcius (at the least), not this -25 plus wind chill we are suffering with right now.

I know it's only for a week. And it sure doesn't help having a cold snap hit on the most "depressing" day of the year. All I wanted was to stay in bed, but I sucked it up and will get through this. Saturday's balmy -8 can not come fast enough.

Someone that I used to know

2012-01-14T10:42:00.005-07:00

Almost to the date, a year ago I posted discovering this artist named Gotye. And just recently a group of people did a cover of his song "Somebody that I used to know" and the web-iverse is a-twitter with how awesome Gotye is.

I love this song. I think about my ex(es) and the decision I made to completely cut them out of my life after we broke up. I don't like the idea of being friends with someone I imagined an intimate forever with. I want the best for those men and hope that they find whatever it is they were looking for, but I don't want to be on the sidelines rooting for them as they reach milestones in life that each one of those men promised to share with me. Don't read into this. I am not jaded and angry AND I am super happy in the relationship I am in right now. And I think cutting off those ties to the last relationships helps me strive to be a better person in this relationship. To continue growing and not settle in the patterns of my last relationships. Plus it allows me to focus on the relationship I am in now, instead of watching my ex get married or buy a house or have babies or whatever it is he is doing these days and lamenting that it could have been me.

It wasn't ever supposed to be me. I am supposed to be right here, right now. And I am thrilled I am not jaded, that I still have hope in my heart that I deserve the happily ever after I have always dreamed of (even though I know that happy endings take a lot of work and effort at times).

When I hear this song, I am reminded though of those men I was once so in tune with. I knew their favorite meals, the size of their jeans, the lines to the movies they liked to watch over-and-over. And now, those guys are strangers. I don't even know if I would recognize some of those guys from a long time ago if I passed them on the street. I have no idea if some of those guys still live in the city, or if their paths took them somewhere else. I wonder if any of them think of me and the time when we were together when the Interwebs pushed that song onto their facebook or twitter feed?

All I have are the handful of memories of "somebody I used to know." And a million empty canvases to create new memories with the one I know now.

Your brother. Remember?

2012-01-13T13:10:00.003-07:00

Right now, the annual High Performance Rodeo is taking place in Calgary. One of my favorite websites, Calgary is Awesome, held a draw for two tickets to see the show Your brother. Remember? AND yours truly won :)

Usually on Thursdays, Jason and I like to indulge in tacos and Jersey Shore (feel free to judge, I heart my guidos). This week, we decided to check out this show. Although Jason wasn't a huge fan, I loved it. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I love it.

Basically, this is a show about two brothers, Gator and Zach, who filmed re-enactments of Jean Claude Van Dam movies when they were teenagers. 20 years later, they get together to re-enact and film the same scenes. One brother had chosen the career path of an actor, the other brother had become an addict.

The layering of the mash-ups of the 3 films (the original JCVD film, the scenes from when the brothers were teens and the later re-enactments) provided comic relief to a story that paralleled the similarities between an addict and an actor. Both need motivation to play a role to entice an audience to deliver what is needed. Zach, the younger brother, sits on the stage as these film clips are shown, and occasionally breaks into monologue, reciting letters that Gator wrote to him from prison, in the character of Jean Claude.

I feel the layering added the right amount of depth to this show, although at times it also added a repetitiveness that was tedious to listen to again. The best part was definitely the splicing of the movie clips. Van Dam's acting is ridiculous on its own, but having the parodies cut in heightened this ridiculousness.

The show's running time is about an hour and having some former knowledge of JCVD is helpful in understanding some of Zach's onstage mannerisms.

As a side note, my boyfriend, who wasn't into the arts scene when we met, was the one last night suggesting shows at the opera, the symphony and theatrical productions that we should see. This makes me Tacquito happy. :)

The First Half

2012-01-12T15:52:00.002-07:00

It's the second week of January and I am slowly filling my time for 2012.

I have agreed to sit on a committee to organize a brunch to help raise money for breast cancer.

I am sitting on a committee at work that focuses on building networks and mentor-ships among women.

I am still working with a group organizing a monthly weekend breakfast for the people that are staying at Ronald McDonald house.

I signed up for a writers' workshop in February at the Library that has a full day of lectures covering anywhere from researching historical facts, to editing and publishing.

I am dedicating myself to completing a 10k run April 1 and a half-marathon May 26.

And of course, slowly completing those goals on my 30 before 30.

It's the second week of the year. I am super excited at all of the things I am going to complete, be a part of and create more opportunities with.

What I am Reading Wednesday

2012-01-11T10:56:00.003-07:00

I have been slowly making my way through my stack of started, half-finished books that gather dust on my nightstand. I went from six to three in the last couple of weeks. It feels great to finish those things that are nagging you and calling for you every time you lie down for sleep.

Right now, I am focused on Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. And I can't get enough. It's fascinating to read about a person so passionate about something, yet so tyrannical. Here is the man who has changed my technology experience (seriously, I just switched to the iPhone and I can't remember my life before it) and one who so many people in this world regard with awe, yet he suffered from serious asshole-ism. Obviously his attitude towards his employees and the reality distortion field that he projects pushed those people to produce amazing products, but at what cost to their mental well-being?

“Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.” Steve jobs

I do have to say that I find the bio fairly inspiring despite Steve's character flaws. He was able to imagine a future of possibilities and create what people wanted before they even knew what they wanted. And he did a lot of this before he was even 30.

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – Think Different, narrated by Steve Jobs

What are you reading?

Chopped!

2012-01-10T16:59:00.005-07:00

I am addicted to the Food Network. I don't even have cable and I still manage to get in about 10 hours of Food Network greatness a week (thanks BF who pays for my habit!). I like to think of my time ~~wasted~~ spent as research to help inspire my time in the kitchen.

This month I have decided that I am clearing out my pantry and deep freeze before I go grocery shopping. I am very thankful that I have been watching marathons of the show Chopped where contestants must use secret ingredients that are not normally paired to create a dinner course in 30 minutes. The absolutely delectable dishes that are created have sparked my own creativity.

For example, as I type this I have combined a can of sliced pears and some frozen bass to create a main component of my meal.~~I am not 100% this will work out But I did find a recipe for salmon baked with peaches on Google, which is pretty close~~ . < UPDATE > I just finished dinner: the pear juice added a sweetness to the fish, the cumin added a little spice to the pear, all in all, definitely going to try this again < /UPDATE >. ... The other night, Jason and I coated fish in jerk seasoning I brought back from Jamaica, fried it in garlic butter and served it with some spinach. Fantastic! Last week, I baked fish in garlic and pepper, covered in a medley of frozen vegetables. Fantastic! And who knows what else I will come up with to use up this frozen fish I have stoked in my freezer.

There are a few side benefits to all of this as well. Namely, I have been having such a blast creating meals, I haven't been eating at the cafeteria and I haven't had the need to hit up the grocery store. So not only am I saving some money (much needed after a very expensive final quarter of 2011), but I am also eating better through out the day.

What is the craziest combo of cupboard cuisine you have created? Would you make it again or was it fit for the trash?

“A first rate soup is better than a second rate painting” Abraham Maslow

2012-01-09T11:05:00.003-07:00

I found out something pretty spectacular today -- January is National Soup Month!

And with my recent obsession of watching the Food Network for hours upon hours gathering inspiration to indulge my creativity in the kitchen, this is definitely a fabulous discovery.

You can create so many different kinds of soup. Throw any vegetable in a pot of water, add some meat, spice it up, let it simmer for as little as an hour or all day and VOILA! You have a full meal deal with out any of the bi-products offered at your local (and favorite) fast food joint.

You can make ginormous pots of soup on lazy Sundays, serving it out into perfection portions ready to freeze down and enjoy on more hectic days. You can use up all of those leftovers in your fridge that are on the brink of expiry, feeling better that your hard earned grocery money did not go to waste. You can wow dinner guests by whipping up a creamy alternative to salad to serve as an appetizer. And nothing is better for a cold January day than the smell of a simmering soup steaming up windows and warming up your soul.

In honour of National Soup Month, I have decided that I will celebrate with the creation of a few different soups this weekend to fill my freezer. This of course means I should probably also bake bread and buns, because nothing goes better with soup than a buttered bun to dip into the broth.

Inspire me: What is your favorite kind of soup? And if you feel so inclined, share your recipe :)

CELEBRATION!

2012-01-05T02:28:00.009-07:00

My word for 2012 has been chosen.

This is a year about to be filled with sparklers and noisemakers, party hats and streamers.

A year where not only are birthdays and babies, engagements, weddings and graduations are celebrated...

... but also sunrises and sunsets, monetary goals met, new life skills acquired, and moments that grow one's mind.

And a celebration of friendships made and relationships nurtured. And the celebration of my self becoming more and more whole.

There are rumors afloat that this could be the last year of the world.

If you believe or not, take time each day to give thanks AND
celebrate!

I have my dancing shoes on. Come join me!

This is the year....

2012-01-02T16:20:00.002-07:00

...that I write more and share my writing with others through workshops and meet up groups

...that I develop my career in a more focused direction

...that I create a deeper connection with my boyfriend, a connection that showcases we are in this together

...that I let go of my 20s and create a stronger foundation for the woman I want to be in my 30s

...that I give 100 hours of my life to various organizations around the city

...that I surround myself with a network of like minded individuals

...that I choose to nurture my body and soul

...that I detoxify the negativity I have carried

This is the year.

365 Days of Gratitude- January

2012-01-01T08:00:00.012-07:00

1/1/12:I am thankful to be starting the new year with a man who loves me the way I am
1/2/12:I am thankful for the ability to read. An ability many take for granted and that allows me more daily opportunities
1/3/12: I am thankful to work with awesome people. Missed them during winter break
1/4/12:I am thankful for healthy food to fuel my body and mind
1/5/12: Sunroof open in January
1/6/12: Lunch date with my boyfriend
1/7/12: Seeing old friends as we celebrate the upcoming arrival of their new baby
1/8/12: Food Network Marathons
1/9/12: Naps
1/10/12: Whoever invented dog boots
1/11/12: Winning tickets to a play
1/12/12: date nights
1/13/12: My bff and his wife had a healthy baby boy!
1/14/12: Having a phone conversation with kerker! I miss my b'y!!!
1/15/12: Staying in bed till noon
1/16/12: Evening cups of tea and moments of contemplation
1/17/12:Unconditional love from four legged snugglers
1/18/12: Lots of warm, cute and cozy sweaters on sale. Perfect for this weather
1/19/12:Having my bf cheer me up after some disappointments.
1/20/12:Friday night movie nights
1/21/12:Passing the puck back and forth with my bf was awesome. Thankful for deep freezes creating outdoor rinks.
1/22/12: Chinooks
1/23/12:Thankful that my name was suggested to attend the young professionals luncheon with the premier
1/24/12:A roof over my head and food in my cupboards

Dear Jason

2011-12-21T21:22:00.002-07:00

I know you know that I am not a huge fan of Christmas. The stress of the season really gets to me and I often pull my ostrich card to hide from the world. This year feels so special. Hunting out and finding the perfect things to brighten your morning, having your mom plan this whole day around us, baking treats for your friends at work -- all of it, is so amazing. I know you keep asking me what I would like for Christmas, but you need to know that THIS is exactly what I want. Everyday of this year that I have had the opportunity to spend with you has been amazing. I feel so blessed to have you in my life, more than I could even say.

Happy first real Christmas together Rainman. I love you and am excited for all of the Christmases of OUR future. You're my favorite.

Lala.

Tips from Santa's Little Helper

2011-12-12T21:12:00.002-07:00

The Children's Christmas Party for my workplaces'employees' families was held last Saturday. Our corporate office was transformed into a winter wonderland and each boardroom was set up into a different activity station. One of those stations was a place to write and "mail" a letter to Santa complete with your wish list.

Santa and Mrs. Claus made a stop (side note: why doesn't she have a first name? It's 2011 people!) and took the letters back to the North Pole with them to peruse over milk and cookies, in between preparing for the big sleigh ride.

This morning, all of the letters written to Santa were read and each letter generated a handwritten responding letter from the Big Guy himself (AKA the group of ghost writers working on his behalf).

Here are some tips I have for parents who help their kids write these sort of things:

1)Make sure you include your full address, so a response can be sent back. I get that we tell kids to behave and that Santa has the ability to know what you are up to when and where at all times so he should therefore already know your address. Maybe you could swing it that mail can only be delivered if there is a return address attached. A few kids didn't get responses today because of this. And that's unfortunate.

2)I am unable to guarantee to a kid that his wishlist will be fulfilled. So when the letter is only full of wants formatted in bullet points, I am not too sure what to write to the child to make it seem personal. I did swing a few different approaches (my favorite was for the child wishing for a light saber and I wrote to him about how I loved Star Wars and the Ewoks reminded me of the elves every time I watched the movies), but the kids I had the most fun responding to were the ones who actually asked me questions about the weather, how busy the elves and I were, what kind of cookies I would love to have left out, etc. etc. Those responses will probably spark more of the magic in those kids when they get them.

3)On that note, I also really appreciated the one and only child who hoped I would have a really nice break during New Years after all of the toys were delivered. He understood that "I" was working hard most of the year to make sure a lot of those wish lists were completed. And the kids that asked that toys get sent to less fortunate children showed me that parents out there were trying to showcase the true meaning of the season.

4)Finally, can you please stop telling your child to ask Santa for that new iPhone 4S or the new big screen television (HD) (for real, a child placed that in brackets to let me know that anything not HD would probably not be tolerated) or the millions of other electronics asked for. The legend is I have a toy shop up at the North Pole where I hire elves who can build toys.There is no electronics department and there is no Apple retail store. And if there was, it looks like more and more toys are going to be shipped to the Island of Misfit Toys because nobody wants them anymore.

I'm lucky that the letters I responded to were lighthearted and showed the innocence of childhood. I have heard sad stories from others that have donated time to respond to letters to Santa with requests from children wishing for less divorces, family violence, and the delivery of basic needs. Those are the kids that deserve what they are asking for the most. And I really do wish I could be Santa Claus to grant those wishes.

The Fading of the Bar Star

2011-12-08T12:02:00.004-07:00

One thing I have learned as I am nearing my 30s is that the allure of the bar or night club is not as enticing. I spent most of my twenties speaker dancing, shooting back jager bombs, waking up with a headache in the morning. Showing my skin to the world in the hopes that it would set me apart from the other girls also showing their skin, dancing on speakers, shooting back jager shots and waking up with headaches.

As I get older, I am less focused on the "fun" that a drunken, dancing night out falsely promises and more focused on what I can do to better myself, be productive in the moment and secure the things I want for myself. I don't spend my weekends slinging drinks in stilettos while trying to maintain a conversation with boys over the cacophony of bass and cheap pop music. I spend my weekends enjoying a cold beer with my boyfriend while we cook dinner together, sipping coffee in the afternoons while reading and broadening my mind, meeting like-minded girlfriends for the occasional martini to motivate each other in our fields of choice. At the end of the weekend, I know that I have helped myself to grow and develop, and create new ideas and goals to help further me along in life. I am not waking up on Sunday mornings wishing for death, chasing the hair of the dog in the hopes of re-enacting the prior evening out. I waking up refreshed and renewed and ready to embrace the day.

With this self discovery, I have realized that there are two groups of friends in my life. Those that continue haunting the dark dance floors reminiscing about all of the best times they have ever had, but barely remember, and those that are growing up, focusing, and creating the life they intend to have. I realize that as I too start to make choices that will affect where I will be in 5, 10, 20 years, I have less and less in common with my bar-star friends. And although any break up of any relationship is hard, I don't miss those "glory" days and I don't feel the connection with those people that I thought I once had.

Maybe this is just another sign of growing up--the realization that now that I am not 20, I look ridiculous out partying with the kids. The realization that I would rather line up dinner party plans with our friends then line up shots with them. The realization that I am perceived as a stronger, more empowered woman with a clear head than with a drunken glaze in my eyes. The realization that just a hint of skin garners more attention then the skimpiest outfits. The realization that my life does not have to be set in a dance club. The realization that I actually enjoy not having to endure the monotony of a night club (because let's be honest, they really are all the same).

The stars shine so bright, but they're fading after dawn

100 Days

2011-11-30T13:35:00.004-07:00

Today marks 100 days till my 30th birthday.

100 days left of my 20s.

100 days to finish up a decade and make it feel like I took full advantage of being care-free in my 20s.

My 30 before 30 list has not been attended to very regularly. There are things on there that I won't be able to complete. Things that I don't care about completing anymore. There are things on there that I still hope to experience and complete before the clock strikes 12:45 p.m. on March 10th.

A lot can happen in 100 days. 100 days ago it was August 22nd, a Monday.
I was preparing for a long weekend road trip with Rainman. And finalizing my payment for my trip to Jamaica. And working on my 20th Century English course.

In those 100 days, I have been to the tropical resort where everything is "irie mon," I completed my course with an A-, I have helped Rainman raise almost $500 (we could get there, today is the last day!) with the Movember campaign for men's cancers. I sat on the United Way campaign committee at work, scheduling breakfasts for field crews to increase participation and the success of my role has my work being looked at for the possibility of an award. I have joined another committee at work that helps inspire and empower women through networking and mentor-ships. I have deepened my connection with Rainman and love hearing him call me his girlfriend.

In those 100 days, I have learned more about my industry at work and with that have been able to apply technical skills to new platforms and programs. I have learned more about my city and made new connections through the power of social media. I have put together a group to create, cook and serve meals at Ronald McDonald House. I have added more time to my volunteer bank and have broadened my mind through reading more books.

So much can happen in 100 days and this has me excited for what the last 100 days of my 29th year will bring. There is so much to do and see and love and live for. And with this attitude, starting off a new decade can only mean great things to come. And with a wonderful supportive group of people around me to help celebrate every mile stone and accomplishment.

100 days. 2422 hours. 145370 minutes. And so many things that can happen.

On 5 Year Plans....

2011-11-02T15:15:00.002-06:00

I am a planner. I like to plan my day (and often before I go to sleep the night before). I like to plan my weekend and know where I am supposed to be and when to maximize the small amount of free time I have. I like to plan my meals and my chores and my outfits. I like routine and the sense of stability it offers. I am not one who is readily able to accept change and when it comes I go into flight and fight mode, depending on what the change means.

It's no surprise that when I learned about Stalin's 5 year plans (or was it Lenin....)for the economic state of the Soviet Union in grade 9, I was intrigued. This made sense to me...a 5 year plan. To know where I would be in 5 years if I stuck to a plan. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying enough attention in class to realize that as life happens, plans change and you can't really depend on them.

I am going to be 30 in about 120 days (or so...there's a ticker on the side of my blog). I was thinking this morning about where I thought I would be at 30. When I was 25, I fell for a boy and created a 5 year plan around him. If all had worked out, we would be married with a house and a kid by now (or a kid on its way). I forgot to focus on the boy and instead focused on my 5 year plan, not really caring if he believed in it.And of course, this led to the demise of our relationship (amongst so many other things because I know now that he and I were never meant to work out).

Other 5 year plans I have created have also faltered. To the point that now I feel wise enough to know not to make them. I create goals. And try to make them more short term so that I feel the motivation to complete them. But I don't make plans for where I should be.

5 years ago, I would never imagine I would be where I am today. I would never have imagined the relationship with Rainman that I have now. And this feeling of contentment with whatever happens, is supposed to happen. As a planner, this is the strangest feeling, albeit calming. I still plan for my day (and the weekends with him) as well as all the other little things...but no longer do I plan on the future. Things will happen, when they are supposed to happen, if they are supposed to happen.

I feel like I am declaring this state of independence from the Republic of Routine. Bring on the Perestroika.

ENFJ

2011-11-01T12:11:00.003-06:00

Last Thursday, I partook in a session that tested Myers Briggs Type Indicator. Then as a work team, we participated in different activities to showcase how our "types" come out in decision making.

I tested in with slight Extraversion, clear Intuition, and very clear Feeling and Judging. Before you start judging me, know that Judging actually refers to people who enjoy living in a planned, orderly, way. Sticking to a plan and schedule is highly important to me, and I rock at organizing outings and events for my friends.

The course was able to showcase the strengths and weaknesses of people who share all four of my characteristics

Characteristics of ENFJs:

Look for and find the best in others

Prize harmony and co-operation

Warm, compassionate, and supportive

Loyal and trustworthy

Imaginative and creative

Can be very insightful about others

Stimulated about the possibilities for contributing to the good of humanity

Like variety and new challenges

naturally see the potential for growth in others and devote energy to help others achieve it

Others see ENFJs:

Sociable, personable, congenial, and gracious

Expressive, responsive, and persuasive

Weaknesses of ENFJs:

worry, feel guilty, and doubt themselves

become insistent and controlling in their desire for harmony

be overly sensitive to criticism, real or imagined

make decisions based solely on personal values when logic is needed also

find it difficult to admit to problems or disagreements with people the care about

overlook details required to realize their ideals

under great stress, may find themselves suddenly and uncharacteristically critical and fault finding with others, but keep these negative opinions to themselves

The entire session was incredibly insightful. It not only allowed me to see the best ways to communicate and collaborate with my co-workers, but also ways I could improve my weaknesses and utilize my strengths in my personal relationships. Understanding my weaknesses especially will help me take that moment before reacting and responding, and I can already tell it will help me create an even stronger bond with my Plus 1.

If you ever have the opportunity to get tested for the MBTI, I strongly urge you to jump on it. Especially if you can do this in a situation where you learn how other types make decisions and the rational behind the choice. For example, as a feeler, I learned how thinkers come to conclusions and they learned how I lead with my heart first. And neither way makes us inept.

The best way to become the best you is to learn who exactly you are. Embrace all of it, highlight the great, be cognizant of your weaknesses, turn all of it into opportunities to create a perfectly wonderful you. I am very thankful to have had this chance to learn more about me.

Thankful Tuesday

2011-10-25T22:47:00.002-06:00

~Open reign of the Plus 1's kitchen to freely hold a bake off with myself. It's such a luxury to have an oven that doesn't change temperature the minute you walk across the room (or the neighbour shuts his door or a bird flies by or a leaf falls from a tree)
~The sweet smell of banana bread filling the house on a chilly night
~A co-worker that I assist telling me I am a great "winger" and letting me know he can see I'm "on the ball" and using other athletic-influenced idioms as though I'm obviously athletic
~pencil skirts and dangerously high heels to prance around the office in (looking cute while being highly efficient and quick witted FTW)
~my sales crew knocking the targets out of the park this month (I can use sport metaphors too) resulting in the chance for me to attend the hockey game tomorrow (will know at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning)
~sipping this cold beer, in Rainman's house, thinking about how lucky I am and how he is worth it all
~crunchy fall leaves that make walking Molly way more fun for me
~the anticipation of seeing my BFF this weekend

Procrastinating...

2011-10-13T13:08:00.005-06:00

Did you know that I am taking a course in 20th Century Literature? Apparently not a lot of people I talk to daily actually knew this. I guess I tend to discuss other aspects of my life more so than my scholarly gains. Anyway, my contract date for this course is up October 31, 2011.

Which is only 18 days away.

Which, with everything else going on in my life, is coming way too quickly.

To receive credit for the course, I need to complete two assignments, the midterm and the final. Don't worry. The midterm is done AND (as of last night)the first assignment is completed too. I won't go into the details of my analysis on two distinct ways the authors I studied used writing the beginning of their novels, let's just celebrate that I 100% completed it! I have also scheduled my final exam for the 22nd. So, in reality, I am pretty much on track.

I get side tracked. I need to check my email, my facebook, my twitter account, Googleplus, etc. etc. etc. The essay I completed last night (finally) should have taken me maybe two days from start to finish. But I stretched it out over a week (because remember last week when I was thankful for completing it...I may have been slightly over-zealous that i would have the editing part finished that night). And I probably wouldn't even have finished it last night if I didn't yell at myself. And promise rewards for finishing it. And finally set a timer for 20 minutes and told myself I only had to focus for those 20 minutes on my paper and then I could do whatever I wanted.

You know all of those web pages that offer tips to help one focus? This "setting of a timer" seemed to be a consistent trend. And because I was wasting so much of my time focusing on research about how to focus, I thought I would give it a go.

And now I am a raving fan of setting a timer. I was able to finish up my paper in two 20 minute sessions last night. And completing this task that has been hanging over my head for the last week (or year...however you want to look at it) exhilarated me. I wanted to keep going! I started to organize study notes. And created a plan of action for assignment two. I felt so responsible that I took 20 minutes to de-clutter my office space (also known as the kitchen table!). And woke up this morning feeling ready to take on all of the tasks thrown my way.

One of the things I am super fabulous at is procrastinating. And I found the thing that may work for me. And I wanted to share this knowledge. Maybe us procrastinators can unite, and make a plan to take over the world by completing all of those tasks that are haunting us.

We can start tomorrow!

The Universe is telling me something today

2011-10-05T11:39:00.003-06:00

As mentioned earlier this week, I am sent a daily email challenge from meyou health. Today's was about taking just ten minutes and focusing on one task, instead of the usual multi-tasking that most of us do. I completed this right away focusing on a task at work, finishing all of the steps as soon as I received the email.

On Wednesdays, one of my favorite blogs, The Simply Luxurious Life, writes a regular feature inspiring her readers to create a more fulfilling life. The last three weeks have been dedicated to becoming more productive filled with tips and ways to focus on the task at hand. The final tip this morning was to reiterate that one should not multi-task in order to see better results.

And then, as I am looking through my twitter feed, Kyle Shewfelt tweets about his new blog post: The Focus Zone.

After reading The Celestine Prophecy a few years ago, I have decided that I too do not believe in coincidences. That when something happens enough times that you start to take notice it is because the Universe is screaming for you to take notice. And today, the universe is demanding that I start focusing on the task at hand if I truly want to be more productive. And so, not one to undermine authority, I am standing up and taking notice and going to spend the rest of the day focusing on one task at a time to see just how much I can accomplish.

Here's to a wicked Wednesday!

Thankful Tuesday

2011-10-04T14:50:00.009-06:00

Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering -Anon

My Plus 1 gave me a calendar last Christmas. Every month has a butterfly and an inspirational quote. Clearly, this guy might kind of know me and what I might kind of like. I finally switched it over to October today and this month's quote struck a chord with me.

Today's Thankful Tuesday:

ice cream cake for lunch

an increased sense of financial control

Cute Plus 1 did something last night to qualm my over-active imagination.♥

rocking peep-toe booties with tights and a cozy dress

clean house

Finishing this damn essay and Arranging the date and time for my final exam

Oryx reaching out this morning to lay his paw on Molly's back then going back to sleep. ♥

National Taco Day celebrations

Wicked team to work with everyday (or week day anyway)

Making a 6 month commitment

2011-10-03T23:32:00.002-06:00

Have any of you heard of MeYou Health? I read about it on lifehacker or mashable or another website like that. Basically, you sign up and everyday a new healthy "challenge" is emailed to you. As you complete the challenge you gain points. It's like playing farmville, but with actual results in your life ;-) The challenges are fairly simple...from having a cup of green tea that day to taking the stairs to crossing an item off of your to-do list.

Today's challenge was to create a 6 month goal. As so many of us in the blogging community know, a goal is easier to achieve if it is written down and shared with the world so that there is accountability. And, although I shared my goal on the website, I figured it would be best if I shared it here as well. Because I know that here I have a wicked support system cheering for me (even if many of you are silent readers and then talk to me about blog posts in real life).

The goal I made today that I would like to achieve within the next 6 months (so by April 3, 2012) is putting $10,000 towards my entire debt amount. This includes my car loan, a loan from a family member and my VISA bill.

Here's to making smarter financial choices!

And if you decide to join MeYou Health, feel free to add me to your personal connections :)

Chicken Soup (heals my heart)

2011-09-28T19:06:00.003-06:00

My plus one yesterday stepped up to the plate and made me homemade chicken soup. He sent me a text at noon and stated that he would do it if I made my way to his house.

I packed up the dog and wearing sweats, no make up and my hair pulled back into a messy bun, I went to his house where I passed out in his bed. I woke up to find him busy at work, cutting vegetables and chicken to add to homemade broth. As miserable as I felt, this simple action warmed my heart.

I lied on his couch, watching him play NHL 2012 and realized that I really am unbelievably lucky. And that all of the stuff I went through in the past led me to that moment where I found a man who took the time to attempt to make me feel better.

I'm not perfect. I'm whine-y when I am sick. I am naturally worried about the future. Things in the past eat away at me. I use sarcasm and dry humour to mask my emotions. My observations about people can be cuttingly mean.

He is not perfect.

The simple act of making me soup while I was ill made me realize that he genuinely cares about me. And that is really all I want.

To the chicken that gave up his life so that I could feel better, I thank you. And to the plus one that does his best to show me he cares, I thank you. And to the people in the past that made me doubt that I would have all of this, pushing me to prove all of you wrong, I thank you. I have something great in my life. I will continue to nurture it to keep it vital and growing.

Lung.

sniff sniff

2011-09-27T10:12:00.005-06:00

I have a cold. It's not the first cold I have had in my adult life. And it's not going to be the last. Unless of course I decide to live out the rest of my life in a perfectly sealed bubble that is sanitized and doesn't allow other people to have contact with me or me to have contact with anything other people have had contact with. Unfortunately, I would not survive very well in a no-contact world and it would cause harmful mental side affects and I would probably lament about how delightful having a cold would be if only I could be around others.

I digress.

Sunday afternoon I began having those heavy-headed feelings one gets when a cold has decided to invade one's sinuses and begin causing ruckus. I was tired and a little bit moody. Yesterday, I put on a happy face to get through work, but by 3, all I wanted to do was sleep. This morning I woke up with a full on war raging in my body as my white blood cell soldiers carried on their plan of attack. I can not be certain, but they may be using weapons of mass destruction in my head to let this cold know that I am not weak and will not take this invasion lightly. I called in sick and made myself some tea to settle back and allow the army of darkness to carry out its battle.

What I really want is someone to bring me chicken noodle soup. And some movies I haven't watched. And for cable to magically hook up for an hour so I can watch The Price is Right at 11. And maybe some glossy new fashion magazines to flip through, enviously looking at models who appear to never suffer from colds. And someone to use the back of their hand on my forehead and tell me that I feel a little bit warm and put a damp wash cloth there. And maybe offer me a popsicle. And I think it would be best if this someone was my mommy.

I have a cold.

And having a cold as an adult sucks. Because you have to do all of these things yourself.

And if you think this is whine-y, you don't even want to know how I handled having the H1N1 a few years ago.

< /pity party >

Volunteering Vixen

2011-09-24T19:35:00.002-06:00

Remember one of my 30 before 30 goals was to reach 200 volunteer hours? I have been horrible at tracking those hours. Even with that said, I am nowhere near my goal or where I should be in order to reach my goal, but the last couple of weeks have definitely made a dent.

I have joined the United Way Committee at work and my role was to organize a breakfast series to help increase participation in pledging to the guys who work mostly outside of the office. This was an incredible learning experience for me. Making sure I had breakfast for up to 100 guys at any one time, a guest speaker who was allotted at most 10 minutes to rev up emotion in the guys and motivation to donate, prizes for those who pledged the day of their breakfast, and looking bright and cheery at 6:30 a.m. AND do this 6 different times over a two week period helped me develop even more organizational skills, leadership skills and make connections within my company with people I normally would not deal with on a day to day basis.

Although it started out a little bit rough, we held the final breakfast last Thursday and it went the smoothest as well as generated the most participation AND the highest amount in pledges. AND the exciting news with all of this too is that my company is now being considered for an award from the United Way for motivating field workers to participate (the overall participation rate from the Breakfast series is significantly higher compared to other organizations within the industry). :) On Friday, I received an email from the head of the committee and a VP in the organization congratulating me on a job well done. Pretty Super Penguin Awesome!

So, not including the prep organizational time for these breakfasts, each breakfast had me donating approximately 2 hours. So that is another 12 to add to my 2011 total.

And this week, I volunteered at the Dream Centre radiothon again for 2 hours answering phones, taking people's pledges and donations. The Dream Centre raised just over $90,000 this year which is incredible! Especially with the new Distracted Drivers Law in Alberta not allowing people to talk on their cell phones while driving. Before going to the radiothon, I was worried that this new law would deter people from calling in as most people listen to the radio while driving. That said, I did speak to a lot of kids who were speaking on behalf of their mom or dad while being chauffeured. The Dream Centre is a wonderful organization that I truly love supporting. They help men transition from living on the streets to learning the ropes to live the life they dream of. Listening to some of the clientele's stories were heartbreaking, inspiring, and filled me with gratitude for what I have in my life.

To finish off my hardcore weeks of giving back, today I helped a friend at her garage sale where all proceeds went to the MEOW foundation - an organization in the city that takes in stray cats, provides them with their shots, spays or neuters, and socializes them, then helps them find forever homes with the right owner. This organization has a no-kill policy and will attempt to find a home for every cat. Right now, they need a new shelter, so are busily raising funds so that these cats all have a safe place to stay while their human soul mate is being found. The garage sale today was crazy busy! So many people donated items, and even more people stopped by to shop. I loved that many people left their change with us instead of bartering for a lower price. I am not sure of the total yet, but the goal for the weekend was $2000 and we surpassed that by 2 p.m. today. That is another 8 hours to add to my 2011 total!

Have you been keeping track? In the last 2 weeks, I have volunteered 22 hours (give or take, I do have to tally up the United Way meeting hours and other minutes I spent on this project for work, so the total is probably a bit more). Not a bad little dent to add to my progress bar.

If only I could do this to my savings as quickly.

"If you put me to the test, if you let me try"

2011-08-30T15:22:00.008-06:00

risk [risk]
noun

exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance

The idea for this post has been playing around in my mind for some time now. I'm sure it hasn't been hard to figure out from my blog, but I have been getting closer and closer with someone the last couple of months. The kind of closeness that creates flutters in my stomach, and smiles at the mere mention of his name, and just overall contentedness with everything and every one in life.

There was a little bit of fear there too. At the beginning. After months of feeling strongly, but no one being able to commit. I used a lot of strength to push away that fear and take a leap and hope for the best. So far, it's been bliss.

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself. ~Soren Kierkegaard

With every relationship (romantic or platonic) comes risk. The risk of being let down. The risk of being rejected. The risk of being lied to, cheated on, and hurt. These risks are always possible as long as the relationship continues. People change, life paths alter, circumstances have things happen that a person may never have imagined he or she could have done. There's always that chance you could get hurt. Just like there is always that chance that everything is going to work out more amazing than you could have imagined.

If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being? ~Aleksander Solzhenitsyn

This is probably one of the most mature relationships I have been in. Not saying that we aren't silly and teasing and laugh at inappropriate things at inappropriate times. But because I went through my heartbreaks where I continued the same behaviors and patterns on my partners expecting them to cater to what I thought I needed in the relationship, I learned that what I was continuing to hope for was insane (in Einstein's definition). This is the first relationship where I have not looked into his past and continued probing, looking for anything that would make me distrust him. This is the first relationship where I am not hyper-concerned with making plans for our future before we have even enjoyed today. This is the first relationship where I completely accept the way he is and accept that as we grow and develop, there will be change. He will not always be the same (his core values will be consistent, but his passions, hobbies,interests won't) and I find that exciting. This is the first relationship where I feel secure. Not because of the trust I have for him, but because I have finally learned to trust myself.

Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down. ~Ray Bradbury

I took a risk with Rainman. I was able to take the risk because I took a risk on myself and learned what I was made of first. And if it doesn't work out? I know that I am strong, smart and capable of taking more risks.

And so far, the ROI has been absolutely wonderful.

The Final Week

2011-08-29T14:00:00.003-06:00

I looked at my calendar this morning. And then I looked at it again. A third time confirmed what I had feared -- it's the final week of summer.

Technically, being as I am not in school and have responsibilities that require me to have a steady income, care-free days of lounging around in the heat have not been a reality. I make a wish every night that this dream will come true, but alas, my eyes open up to another day spent in an air conditioned cubicle that is NO WHERE near windows. I do try to make the most of evenings and weekends, yet at the end of every summer, I still feel I squandered away precious extended hours of daylight and ~~too-hot-to-sleep~~ warm nights.

And here it is. The final week of summer before that feeling of a new year takes over. And leaves change into vibrant reds, oranges and yellows. And boots are needed to wear with my skirts. And I start missing the unbearably hot nights of August.

So many things I want to do with this week. Get in those rollerblading sessions over lunch hours. Reading a few extra chapters while sitting on my balcony, enjoying a freezie. Holding hands with Rainman while looking at stars and walking my dog. And of course, our long weekend road trip has me wishing it was already Thursday and we could be on the road.

This has been one of the best summer's ever. I just feel like there was so much more that could have been done. More street festivals attended. More bike rides through the park. More Sunday drives to explore little towns.

How was your summer?

The Basement

2011-08-28T00:04:00.006-06:00

I'll be the first to admit that one of my favorite movie genres is the super gory horror movies. In fact, the more effed up a movie is, the more sadistic, the more I can't take my eyes of the screen. This doesn't mean I'm a Natural Born Killer, (in fact I watched that movie tonight and wondered how it is that someone could ever act like that), I think I watch movies like this (and it's so tame compared to some of the gorier movies I have watched) because I can't fathom the reasoning behind the logic that creates the monsters.

The thing that has me wondering how I can even stand horror movies (no matter how cheesy) is the couple of years I couldn't handle going into our basement. When we first moved into our very first owned home, one of the enticements was supposed to be this undeveloped basement. The enticement, I guess, was that we were allowed to do whatever we wanted with it. An extra bedroom? A playroom? Somewhere to store our junk without TLC showing up to do a Hoarders episode on us? All things I'm sure my parents consider when writing the cheque.

Our old house had a basement, in sense, I guess. It was just developed and considered the place my brothers and uncle slept, and where the family watched TV (God forbid, we set foot in the upstairs living room that was reserved for guests!!). The new house had a door that opened to a stairway, leading into a dark, empty space. Stephen King, R.L. Stine, and Christopher Pike had started to play with my mind by that time and the stairway only seemed to lead to something menacing (even though I wanted so bad for it to lead to a Narnia like setting!).

I can recall Muds (my mom) asking me to grab something from down there and my heart racing at the very thought. As a raised Catholic, I would pray and pray AND pray to God while opening the door that I would be safe. I had no idea what I thought might be lurking down there-- anywhere from poltergeists to rapists, I guess. Blessing myself before heading down the stairs, I would race for whatever was required from me and race back, thinking that at any moment, my last breath would come. Seriously...at times, I would time myself and even hold my breath.

As I got older, I got wiser (okay..well somewhat wiser, I became more daring anyway). And it seemed that once walls were built and a carpet laid down, the place seemed less menacing. Albeit, I was still scared. Once I learned I could get drunk down there without getting caught or in trouble, suddenly the demons left the scene (thought: do I drink not only cause it relaxes me BUT also because I believe it scares away the evil things???), and I was contented to spend hours in our basement. When my brother was allowed to move back home, the basement became his domain, and he and I would spend hours hanging out, drinking, watching tv, playing childhood games and jamming down there. The basement seemed suddenly less formidable.

When I moved in with my dad, he finished his basement and created a space for me. I was all too eager to not only have my own bedroom, but a living room as well. BUT, so many nights I would wake up screaming because it felt as though a person was standing next to my bed, scaring the shit out of me. Were we haunted or was my mind warped with reading too many "ghosts in the basement" stories? Hard to say. I was a tough little soldier though and continued living in his basement for a couple of years.

Where is all this coming from you might ask? Well, it's been hot as hell the last couple of weeks. I am having troubles sleeping in my apartment despite the fan and every window open. My pets are stressing out because it's been so hot. And all I can think about is how awesome it would be to have a basement to set up a bed in for a night or a couple of weeks so that I can get a decent night's sleep. And then, while lying awake in the heat thinking about this, I remember all of the nights and day that the very thought of a basement would paralyze me with fear and I wonder if I could really do it. Have I grown beyond being a scaredy-cat? Or am I now selfish enough that I would rather be able to sleep than worry if I might start talking through a Television to let my loved ones know that I need help? Hard to say, because even though I am the first to watch a gore fest, I also watch those gore-fests wrapped in a blanket unable to look away, and then stay up wondering all the possibilities of a different outcome.

I think I am still a chicken. But a tough little chicken that might be able to out-smart the basement demons.

The more things change, the more they stay the same....

2011-08-26T19:25:00.005-06:00

I spent the afternoon with my new boyfriend at the beach. He's adorable! He is always smiling and showing off his one tooth and NOTHING made him happier than to gleefully scream while slapping the water. He has stolen my heart. He also happens to be one of my oldest friend's 8 month old son.

January, Ryder and I packed a picnic lunch and headed to the Sikome Aquatic Facilities (nee lake). January and I gossiped about life and love and where we were headed while lazily enjoying the sun. Ryder shamelessly flirted with me and decided his palate was too delicate to enjoy handfuls of sand. Later in the afternoon, my best friend (and oldest friend) Dan joined us.

As I sat with these two, I remembered afternoons spent at Sikome beach when we were younger. Nothing between the three of us has really changed, yet so much has changed for us individually. Dan is expecting his first child with his new bride and January is busy juggling mommy-hood while planning her Cuban wedding that is quickly approaching. We talked about our friend Kyle who is coming home after spending time in Thailand learning mixed martial arts before heading to Nigeria. And Ryan and I, focused on our careers. The 5 of us met at different stages of growing up, but in a way, grew up together.
January and I at our aftergrad party in 2000

These 5 people I can count on no matter where life takes me. I have gone weeks, months and years without seeing any of them, but somehow life's path throws us back together. There are so many memories that we share, and so many new ones we make every time we get together.

Dan, Kyle and I at our Grad Dinner and Dance, 2000

Dan's Wedding, 2010

January and I at my Ride to Conquer Cancer fundraiser, April 2010

January, Dan, Kyle and Ryan with dates at my Ride to Conquer Cancer fundraiser, 2010

True friendship is such a blessing and I am so happy to have been blessed to be surrounded with amazing, awesome people.

Gratitude

2011-08-23T13:07:00.012-06:00

I am thankful for the way you reach for my hand when we are walking -- no matter where we are walking. If it's with the dog or through the parking lot or at the grocery store. Your hand always envelopes mine perfectly.

I am thankful for the way you laugh at my jokes. Even when they are silly play on words or even after I have to explain exactly how I reached the conclusion or how it tied in with what we are talking about.
You have the best laugh

I am thankful that you share my taste in movies. And television shows. And are easy-going enough to watch what I want even when it is not your taste.
I never feel like something I enjoy is boring you.

I am thankful that you took a chance on me. Even when you stated it wasn't a chance because I am the best. I know how risky it is to create a relationship.
I appreciate every moment you took that chance.

I am thankful for you.

You are the best.

Gucci Gucci

2011-08-16T19:04:00.007-06:00

Like every young woman my age, the Queen of Pop influenced me in some way, shape or form. I remember my very first cassette tape was Like a Virgin and I would play it over and over and over on my double cassette player while creating new choreography to each and every one of her songs.

As I got older, her music fortunately grew with me as well. She was innovative and daring and ~~crossed~~ burned bridges to make an empire for herself. Truth and Dare is still one of my favorite documentaries and I would sneakily stay up late to watch The Girly Show on Much Music unbeknownst to my disapproving father. When she came out with Ray of Light, I was introduced to Trip Hop elements that further influenced my musical tastes.

An ex-boyfriend bought me her SEX book for Christmas one year. He searched all of the used book stores and made a multitude of phone calls to find it for me after hearing me casually mention that I would love to own it. His and my relationship ended, but I still love flipping through the pages of her coffee table book. It's probably the best present I have ever received in my life.

I have collected all of her CDs and most of her movies. Desperately Seeking Susan is a go-to for me when I am staying home sick OR need inspiration for an 80s themed birthday.

She has been one of the most constant elements of my life and no matter how many compilations she releases, she knows she can always count on me to purchase it. My one dream is to see her live before I die.

It's her birthday today.
Happy birthday Madonna.

Thank you for your pop-infused music that makes any day feel like summer.

It's Friiday, Friiiday, Gotta Get down on Friiday!

2011-08-12T07:42:00.004-06:00

One day, probably in our future, this generation's kids are going to remember Rebecca Black's song as a throw back to 2011. We all do it -- reminisce about those pop culture items that shaped our youth. I was a child of the 90s and today, you can check out my guest post on Children of the 90s!

And as much as we shake our heads at the pop "sensation" that Rebecca Black became over night with her catchy tune, our parents and grandparents probably shook theirs at our obsessions. A PSA to give the kids some slack. We all turned out alright -- even with being influenced by Blossom and Six, and listening to our new Willy Smith CDs on repeat.

And if this is your first time here, thanks for stopping by!

Care for some gopher? *

2011-07-25T14:06:00.006-06:00

The hot, dry air was stifling and we were thankful for the refuge of the air conditioned car as we gleefully navigated our way to the hamlet of Torrington, Alberta - home of the Torrington Inn, Torrington Pizza and the infamous Gopher Hole Museum.

Visitors from all over the world pilgrimage down the number 2 highway towards Olds, keeping keen eyes out for the faded sign that promotes the small museum that is filled with the snared and stuffed Richardson Ground Squirrels (often called Gophers) set up in various dioramas, portraying Torrington daily life.

The museum is no bigger than a double-wide trailer and there are approximately 30 different dioramas hung on the walls. Depictions of conversations taking place at the dinner table, the beauty parlor and other places around town are done both artfully and with wit. Speech bubbles over the dressed up Gophers had many patrons of the museum giggling and chuckling with friends and strangers.

Entrance into this one-of-a-kind attraction costs ONLY a twoonie per person and it is well worth the approximate 130km trek from Calgary. Pack a lunch, bring some cold drinks and enjoy Sundays the way they were meant to be enjoyed – exploring Alberta with a mini road trip off the beaten trail.

*2 points if you know what movie this quote is from

Yahooo!!!

2011-07-11T10:58:00.000-06:00

The fabulous Jennifer Huard and I started our day of Stampeding by taking the traditional mode of transportation down to the Grounds – ye ol’ chuckwagon aka the C-train. My first observation (and Jenn’s voiced one) was how awesome it is that for ten days, this city comes together for a costume party that every one in the world is invited to. There are many cynics who state this tradition is silly and make it seem to the world that this is the way Calgarians dress 365 days a year. I guess if this is true, Germans must always wear Lederhosen and those from New Orleans must only wear beads. I love the ten days that bring this city together for flapjacks and line-dancing. It was one of the reasons I was super excited to be offered the job of an ENMAX roaming reporter at the Rodeo.

There is nothing better then being greeted with sunshine on your planned day to Stampede. Most of these events are “rain or shine”, so when the world decides to shine, you can’t help but feeling more ecstatic about your days adventures. Our first stop was the BMO centre where the hustle and bustle of the latest gadgets, gizmos and doodads filled the air with an excited buzz. We found the ENMAX IceShow photobooth just in the Corral and posed for our pictures. Unfortunately, it wasn’t well explained to us that our two pictures would be made into one hologram picture so our poses didn’t quite work. Mental note for next time is to choose my poses carefully!

After our photo session, we went back outside to satisfy our craving for Poutine and fresh-squeezed Lemonade. Carb-loaded and ready to go, we hit up the Rodeo – where the origination of the Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth came from.

There are 6 major events in the rodeo: The Saddle Bronc, Bareback, Tie-down roping, Steer Wrestling, Barrel Racing and Bull Riding. Watching these cowboys (and cowgirls) compete in these events not wearing any protective gear was mind-boggling. Think about how much padding hockey players and football players wear under their uniform and here we have events where one is literally bucked off of a horse or bull, and the cowboy is wearing a cowboy hat and some chaps. Not that I am complaining. They look mighty fine in their uniforms. ;-)

After our afternoon cheering on the boys (and girls) and laughing at the antics of the Rodeo clown, we made our way to the ENMAX Ice Show. If there is one thing anyone must do this Stampede is watch that show. Live music, acrobats, figure skating and Jamie Sale and David Pelltier make the best 44 minutes EVER! They give the Super Dogs a run for their money for sure. We had amazing seats courtesy of ENMAX (so follow them on Twitter - @ENMAXEnergy as they give away VIP seats through out the day) and receiving a high five from a figure skater during the show was awesome!

I think the best part of being an ENMAX Roaming Reporter was how much more in tune and observant I was during the afternoon. This opportunity had me realize even more just how lucky I am to live in a city where, for ten days, we are all living in the Wild West. Old Western theme songs have been running through my head all week and I love every minute of it.

Mental Floss

2011-07-08T00:12:00.002-06:00

Good habits are worth being fanatical about - John Irving

I'll confess. I haven't always regularly flossed my teeth. I would sporadically run the waxed ribbon between the spaces in my smile down to the gum and usually it would be right around the time I had a check-up coming up at the dentist. And without fail, every visit I would be asked if I was making sure to floss regularly as my defenseless gums lost the battle with the medieval weapons the hygienist used against plaque and tartar. I would become defensive -- of course I flossed and what's the definition of "regularly" anyway? And the only logical reason my gums were being drained of blood was because they had been attacked with a sharp hooked pick by someone who was obviously a sadist, choosing a profession in which sharp pain was wielded against an innocent bystander in the name of preventing cavities.

I hated the feeling of shame inflicted upon me 3 times a year as I lay back in that chair, mouth open, unable to spew a full sentence with a tiny mirror and a small vacuum hose jammed in my mouth. And I decided to conduct an experiment. I see my dentist every 4 months. I was going to floss EVERY SINGLE DAY in between visits to prove that it wasn't a lack of regular flossing that had my gums weeping. I meticulously made a point of writing in my day book every day after I flossed so that I could show the dentist my records.

The thing is...my experiment back fired in a sense. At first, my gums howled and were angry that I was continuing the undeserved punishment in the privacy of my bathroom. And then they seemed to subside, give up, allow me to continue the daily ritual. After a few weeks, it was like we had both forgotten that this was an experiment and it became habitual. And, to my dentist's dismay (I am sure), at the next check up, my gums didn't scream silently in fear. And the hygienist seemed surprised that she wasn't causing a possible need for blood transfusions.

We first make our habits, and then our habits make us" John Dryden

One hears all of the time about breaking habits -- vices that one needs to rid one's self of in order to live a better, fuller life. Earlier this week I was at my regular check-up, being told that everything was looking fantastic in my mouth and I was still cavity free (29 years and counting!). While perusing the motivational posters that my dentist has decorated his ceiling with, I realized that my defensive and stubborn attitude allowed me to create a habit in my life that may possibly have added a few years on and definitely creates less blood shed during the war on gingivitis. I also thought about how this one little habit I created takes no time out of my day at all and began brainstorming about other little habits I could start implementing.

Flossing every day really can change your life. I took control of one little thing years ago, and now feel like I have the power to shape and control more and more in my life.

What's one little habit you have implemented that has created the same feelings in you?

Beware the Murder of Crows

2011-06-28T09:16:00.000-06:00

It was a beautiful Tuesday morning, rare for Calgary (or it seems as there has only been 7 days in the last month that have not been filled with precipitation). After a productive morning filled with chores, coffee and some quick Internet browsing, I decided it would be a lovely day to walk to work. I should have realized that the one cloud in the sky was actually an omen that I should drive my car the 4 minutes to work -- as an advocate and strong believer of Mission Zero, it would have been the safe thing to do.

About 10 minutes from my destination is when I saw the first crow. Perched on the power line. Heckling me and taunting me to come closer. I had no idea his gang was nearby. Like Guerrillas (see what I did there) in the Mist, the crows came out of nowhere. All one could hear were the sounds of high pitched caws and I could feel their beady little eyes staring into the back of my head as I quickened my pace.

Near the Chat and Chew Cafe (the Universe is a fan of Irony), the first one decided he had fooled around enough and like the Angry Birds of iPhone fame, he swooped and dived. I screamed. My screams were lost among the war cries of the scavengers. I started walking faster...trying to keep my eyes on the birds without losing my footing. A second one swooped and then a third. I ran into the road where I thought I may be safe in the opening and someone could come to my rescue. The birds could care less if anyone else saw. I am not ashamed that I chose flight over fight.

The murder lost interest near my workplace. They returned to their original positions, awaiting their next victim.

And I have no idea how I am going to get home.

Summer Loving

2011-06-22T00:22:00.005-06:00

It's the first day of summer. And we were finally blessed with sunshine and 23 degrees. And it looks like it's going to be a promising summer filled with lots of laughs.

Things I am determined to do in the next two months:

visit the Gopher Museum. I didn't get around to doing this last year and it still needs to be checked out

vodka water melon

lots and lots of bicycle rides and rollerblading afternoons

create a chalk mural

swing on the swings in the park

water fight and sprinkler jumping

attend as many social media networking events as possible to get to know the community better here in Calgary (it's time to put some faces to names)

hit up Calaway Park

sangria picnic in the park

complete my summer reading list while sitting on patios at pubs and cafes people watching

Super soaker excited for another fun summer!

Ooops!

2011-06-07T13:57:00.006-06:00

mis·take
[mi-steyk]
noun, verb -took, -tak·en, -tak·ing.
–noun
1.an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2.a misunderstanding or misconception.

I'm reading an article right now about embracing your mistakes. It's no doubt that we have all made one or two or a million in our lives. And through those mistakes we have learned what works for us personally and what works for us in society.

Apparently one of the reasons we make mistakes is overconfidence. Which makes sense (to me) because the more confidence one has, the more willing one is to take a risk. When one takes a risk, the odds of a mistake happening increases. And even when that mistake is made, it can help one's confidence grow even more-- as long as one is willing to see where things went wrong and try a different way without allowing one's self worth to be affected. Thus the potential to create even more mistakes.

A mistake isn't a bad thing, but you have to take responsibility and owe up to making the mistake -- from missing a decimal place while working on the company's accounts to meeting the perfect person for you in the wrong circumstances. Sometimes those mistakes lead you into better places and opportunities, some times you have to learn to never make that choice again.

As long as you can identify the mistake, embrace it, learn from it and turn it around into an opportunity to better your life, feel free to screw up without worry or fear. We only have this one life, and it doesn't come with an eraser.

"Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life" Sophia Loren

Walking on Sunshine

2011-05-29T18:51:00.005-06:00

After a gloomy week filled with showers that were supposed to be here in April so we could have our May flowers, the sun decided to come out and play. And luckily for Calgary and Lilac Festival attendees (which seemed like pretty much every one in this city), we had beautiful warm weather for the annual street festival.

Patios filled up as people escaped the packed streets for a refreshing cold drink and an opportunity to catch up with friends that they may have bumped into. Vendors peddled their goods, from cat toys to bubble blowing guns, kettle corn to hot dogs, fashion, jewelery and art. There were stages for musicians to perform on and various companies showcased the talents they could teach you (my favorite was witnessing a lady a few years younger than my grandmother use her self defense skills to take down a pretend perp and beat him with her purse).

Two guys even built a bicycle that when pedalled would use the energy to generate the electricity needed to blast their stereo. What a fun idea!

And I always feel that Lilac fest is the opening ceremony for summer. Super stoked for a summer filled with lots of sun and adventures :)

Extreme Couponing

2011-05-22T13:28:00.002-06:00

TLC had a marathon yesterday afternoon/ evening of this show which follows people who devote their lives to clipping coupons and stocking up every empty space in their house with thousands of dollars in product that they paid little to nothing for. It was fascinating to watch an $800 grocery bill come down to pennies owed. So fascinating that I devoted a few hours to watching this marathon.

It does leave some questions in my mind though. Is one really saving money if they are purchasing product that they don't really need just because they have a coupon for it? And being as this extreme-ness looks to become an addiction for these people, should we be celebrating with them? Wouldn't that be like celebrating with a crack head for scoring more rock? Is there such thing as a good addiction?

I did feel inspired to clip coupons and already try my best to save money on things I use or events I love to attend. I just couldn't imagine giving 40 hours of my life, involving my family in the ritual clipping of the coupons and shopping with three or four grocery carts. The one episode focused on a man who donated his thousands of dollars worth of product that he had mostly got free though couponing to various charities. That made my heart sing big time!

Have you watched this show? What were your thoughts on it? Do you think there may be an episode of Intervention soon where a lady thinks she is being filmed as part of series on people who extreme coupon and little does she know that she is about to be part of an (cue music) Intervention? ;-)

People are Awesome

2011-05-15T09:59:00.005-06:00

So, this broken wrist thing in a cast has been really ...um...inconvenient. And I ended up taking Friday off of work because there was so much pain. It has its good moments and then it has its shooting pain, swelling, get-this-cast-off-of-me moments.

I'm trying to be optimistic and keep the complaining to a minimum. And I have looked at this cast as an opportunity.

My favorite chef's mother is part of a team doing the Ride to Conquer Cancer. Remember that I did this last year? Every person is responsible for raising a minimum amount and the amount can seem daunting at times. It all goes to helping Cancer research with the goal of a Cancer-free future. So, although it can be hard to ask people to sponsor you, or come up with events and ideas that people want to be a part of, it really is for a great cause to combat a disease that has affected every one in some way, shape or form. And battling cancer is a way tougher battle than either the 220 km you ride your bike alongside the Rocky Mountains or the money you need to raise to be a part of such an epic journey.

I have been "charging" people a minimum donation to sign my cast with all proceeds going to LN's fundraising efforts. I am almost at $100 and it's amazing to see (once again) how supportive my friends and family are and even more astounding to see strangers dig in their pockets for a twoonie after asking me what happened to my arm, hearing my tale and how I am now taking advantage of my disadvantage to raise money for a cause I truly believe in. Seriously, as much as you read and see and hear stories about the evil in this world, it turns out that the majority of humankind live up to the kind part. We need to stop giving so many bad apples 90% of the spotlight and start focusing on the awesome people out there that make this world better every day through small acts.

If you are interested in helping out LN's fund raising efforts, please check out her page. Every dollar counts, no matter how small and meager it may seem.

I'll post pictures of my cast later...it's really starting to fill up :)

Things I can now say happened before I was 30

2011-05-09T15:36:00.003-06:00

I got my first cast.

We were just fooling around, play fighting, flirting. And I tried to brush the pain off as though it was nothing and would go away.

Except, the pain just got worse. And even though I tried my hardest to tell him it was nothing, he could read it in my face. And off to urgent care we went.

I was expecting a pinched nerve. Soft tissue damage. Maybe just a bad bruise. I was not expecting a clean fracture across my wrist that even the doctor stated was "the weirdest fracture [he] had ever seen" and after 4 hours of waiting, they wrapped my left arm up in a cast and told me to come back in a couple of weeks.

I have broken my toe a few times. In all of those instances, I just taped it to the toes next to it and went on with life. This cast thing? It kind of gets in the way of life. Washing my hair was an adventure. It took me a bit of work to figure out how to open up the pickle jar last night. And typing all day has made my arm incredibly tired and sore.

But at least I can say that I have had a cast now, I guess. Nothing like adding to life's escapades. ;-)

Tweet, tweet!

2011-05-02T22:22:00.003-06:00

Hi friends,

I have been living a fun life, but haven't been good on filling in this little space of mine about it. My apologies. I'm on twitter a lot more these days, so if you're on it, let's follow each other! Find me @lowqis and let me know that you found me through my blog :)

Here's a bit of a run down of my worldly events:

I have added a few more hours to my volunteering goal with helping out the City's River clean up. It was a super gorgeous day and I shared a lot of laughs as I picked up litter that had been carelessly tossed in one of our city's bike path parks. Strangest find was a box spring mattress. Grossest find was a home made crack pipe. And dog owners? Seriously, be responsible and pick up after your dog. No one wants to see that shit (literally).

I attended a glamourous 60s themed cocktail birthday party. I loved having my mom do my make-up and hair, gossiping with her all afternoon. I loved seeing my friends all dressed up. I loved seeing my date in a suit. The venue we were in was pretty loud for casual conversation which was too bad, but everything else was pretty sparkly.

My favorite chef has been cooking up a storm for me lately. I'm pretty spoiled. I like helping him out and learning about the ways of the spices. He's super creative and his passion for cooking is my favorite part of dinner.

My best friend and I went and had our nails did. That was a fabulous way to gossip and I think we discovered our new shared hobby :)

This week holds lots of fun too: a literature event tomorrow evening (Miriam Toews is reading from her new book!), seeing Alberta Ballet's Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on Thursday (it's inspired by Sarah McLachlan's music!), helping to host a fundraiser on Friday for The Ride to Conquer Cancer and then seeing the final installment of the Fast and the Furious Franchise on Saturday.

My life has been super fun lately :)

Also, today was election day. Were you happy with the results? I was (what can I say, I am a good Albertan girl who loves her rye and votes conservative)!

Skynet writing in the clouds

2011-04-21T11:17:00.004-06:00

Twitter is a buzz with the idea of Skynet. You know...the self aware artificial intelligence that decided to terminate humankind on April 21 2011. Today could be our last day folks...if James Cameron's predictions are true (and we all know how the Titanic turned out, so why wouldn't we trust him?).

If today was our last day, how would you spend it? Would you eat the best foods and drink the best wine? Would you do that thing that has always scared you? Would you tell that person you love that you love him? Would you stock up and get ready to take out the terminators, locating the nearest hydraulic presses to lure them to?

The idea to live everyday like it is your last is not a new notion or even an unique one (why does putting "an" there sound funny when I say this sentence out loud?). Yet, for everyone who preaches the concept, how many actually walk-the-walk? I'm guilty of this big time, always thinking there will be tomorrow to do the things I want, accomplish the dreams I have. Will it take the end of the world (as we know it...cue R.E.M!) to motivate me? Kind of a melancholy thought.

Le Sigh....you may win this round Skynet (or better know as alias Steve Jobs). But the battle has only begun...

Confessions

2011-04-15T11:24:00.004-06:00

Last night the ladies and I attended the Post Secret event at the University. Frank Warren, creator of Post Secret, shared some of the secrets that couldn't make it into the books and discussed some of his secrets. He waived his speaking fee so that proceeds would go to The Centre For Suicide Prevention.

The evening for the most part was quite enjoyable. Hearing about the stacks of postcards Frank receives daily, the secrets that people feel free to release to him anonymously, and the secrets that he has carried and released himself was entertaining. His message that all it takes is one idea to open conversation among a community was inspiring. His hope that people can learn to feel safe enough to share the secret of thoughts of suicide to save his or her life was powerful.

The uncomfortable part of the evening, for me, happened when the floor was opened up and audience members could walk to the mic to share a secret. Strangers dropping the shroud of anonymity to feel release from a captor was in a sense empowering, but also felt awkward and, at times, as though the secret sharing had become a contest of who had the darkest one.

The beauty of Post Secret is that it connects people, showcasing that we are not alone and as weird or strange as we may think we are. And that the life events we go through - good or bad - are also being mirrored by other people out there. Post Secret is also fabulous because it allows one to get a secret off of his heart or out of her head without having to worry about the fear that everyone will know. I feel that microphones at an event like this takes away from the nature of the project in a sense and turns the evening into a free-for-all therapy session.

After the event last night, I thought about some of my secrets that I could create onto a postcard and submit. Different secrets filled my head: hopes, fears, memories and regrets. Secrets that have been holding me captive and secrets that are motivating me to keep moving forward. I had some beautiful ideas surface, but at this time, strongly feel that my secrets are safest within me.

If you have a chance to attend a talk from Frank Warren, I suggest you do. But, if you are like me, and uncomfortable hearing strangers share so much personal feelings, be prepared for the half hour of awkward that takes place at the end.

Cork and Canvas

2011-04-06T10:19:00.005-06:00

Last night, my lovely ladies and I headed to the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra's Cork and Canvas Wine and Art festival. There was lots of yummy wines to taste, appetizers to nibble on, auction items to bid for and an eclectic mixture of people to view. As much as I love art and wine and eating, watching people is fascinating. The artsy girl all in black, tall and slim, eyeing pieces that she thinks would be perfect in her loft,* the cat lady hovering around the oil on canvas portrait of a sketched-out kitty, making sure she can keep topping the bid in the war to own the painting. The artist of said cat-painting, looking hip in high boots and skinny jeans, who may have imbibed in one too many sips of wine, excited to see her piece being silently fought over.

There was more than just art in the auction too. I was in a small, quiet war of my own for two tickets to see Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho accompanied by the orchestra with a Psycho themed after party to attend. I hang my head in shame as I admit that I gave up once the tickets reached more than $100. Katy Perry "California Dream Tour" tickets were up for grabs as well as a plethora of different wines from around the world.

The venue was in the basement of Willow Park Wine and Spirits. If you are ever looking for that hard-to-find wine or that beer you had in Belgium or have time to try a new scotch, check this place out. They have lots of events filled with spirits. And they are conveniently located next to the fine cheese store so you know there is usually a fabulous pairing. Last night I picked up some strawberry beer to try (and create a summer vibe).

The great thing about this event is it also let me know what the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra's season looks like next year and I am super stoked. Not only will I try to see the Hitchcock movie, but Herbie Hancock Plays Gershwin looks fantastic as does Pianomania. And for fun, I definitely would love to spend the Saturday afternoon enjoying Bugs Bunny at the Symphony.

Next week, the ladies and I are attending Post Secret in Calgary. Ladies nights are a blast!

*totally making this up - I have no idea where people live. I'm not (that) creepy

Dear Dairy Queen,

2011-04-04T19:35:00.001-06:00

Can you please make a mini egg blizzard? I strongly feel this would be very profitable for you. Also, please bring back the Pop Rocks blizzard.

Sincerely,
Laura

Snaps, Slams, and Spoken Words

2011-03-30T13:29:00.008-06:00

Last night was the opening event for The Spoken Word Festival. The event was free and featured 4 poets (The Quartet 2011) who each read from their recently published books of poetry.

The first poet had me giggling as he described his love as deep as the layers of an onion and captivated with the poem about his grandmother's conversion to Christianity.

The second and third poets were a little bit darker. One shared a poem inspired by a news story about parents who killed their child and left her pieces in garbage bags around the city. The other discussed his mother's fight with breast cancer in three parts.

It was stated that the final poet had entered a national poetry competition with two of her poems. They tied for first place which should give you an idea of her talent. Her control of the English language seduced me right away as she filled my head with romantic notions. She shared a piece inspired by the time she spent a season in a small hotel room in Paris. Hearing her describe the neighbours lovemaking as "tides of the sounds of sex", the smoke from her cigarette curling around the naked light bulb hanging over the bed as she re-read Moby Dick over and over had me lusting for the chance to escape to a similar setting.

I was really surprised that this little city I live in, that is seemingly dedicated to the business of oil and gas, held a standing-room-only poetry event last night and I was super intrigued to hear that the last Thursday of almost every month there is a poetry slam. I can't wait to check out a slam!

Twitter has opened Calgary up for me in regards to art and literature events. For anyone not on Twitter yet, I suggest you try it out even if its just to follow a few different organizations in your city that your interests are in. An entire new world could open up for you too.

My Life in a List: The fun weekends are fun edition

2011-03-28T09:52:00.003-06:00

After giving 40 hours of my life a week to the man, there is nothing I ♥ more than being able to have a jam-packed fun weekend. This was one of the better ones:

♦birthday dinner celebrations! I was supposed to make the dinner, but my helper took over. We had a delectable 4 cheese stuffed porkchop served with a yam and potato medley and a lovely strawberry salad

♦checked out my step-brother-in-law's (are you still following?) new bar and met up with a team that is doing the Ride to Conquer Cancer this year. They asked for my help in fundraising. As this is one of the things that make me super happy, I gladly said yes! Super excited to help this team meet and surpass their fundraising goals :)

♦had ice cream cake for breakfast. My life is awesome!

♦hit up the golf show! Filled a bag with swag and entered a million different contests to different golf resorts (would they be called resorts? I don't golf, but I do love travelling and posh hotels). The golf show also had different booths set up where you could show off your skills and all proceeds went to help the Kids Cancer Care Foundation (the same foundation I am doing my book drive for). Awesome!

♦fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was super nice to dress up. Boys are super cute when they dress up ;-) (that said, boys are also cute when they are in work clothes and when they are not wearing anything).

♦watched Black Swan. Yes, this is a ballet movie, but it is more about the intense, dark side of ballet AND it explains the story line of Swan Lake. Even my partner-in-crime watching it enjoyed it. I am now super intrigued to see the Alberta Ballet's rendition of Swan Lake.

♦Bought a violin! I have never picked up the violin before, but always wanted to learn. Found a fantastic deal on kijiji (the violin is brand new, never played before and I paid less than $100) and my brother and I went to pick it up. Just meeting the old couple selling the violin was a hilarious adventure. New favorite line to say to my brother? Skin disease.

♦Went to an open mic jam and watched my brother rock out for a bit. Had amazing pizza and a pint of beer.

♦Came home and saw that my tweet about the golf show had been retweeted by the CEO and founder of the Kids Cancer Care Foundation. Sent her a thank you and she asked me to call her! Fantastic way to end a fantastic weekend.

Next weekend is going to be even busier! I am super excited. Two volunteering events, a play and a fundraising dance. I am loving this life that I live.
What did you do over the weekend? Any exciting plans coming up?

What I am Reading Wednesday

2011-03-23T14:39:00.003-06:00

Well, actually, this post is not about what I am reading, but about what the kids are reading. I am holding a book drive for The Kids Cancer Care Foundation to help stock their library in their summer camp. I am collecting books (new and gently used) for kids between the ages of 3 and 8.

Books have always been very comforting for me and I can only imagine the comfort they may bring a child who is sick or dealing with a parent or sibling who is sick. The way you can escape into other worlds through a book or the way they can evoke happy memories is partly why books have had such an enchanting power over me.

I want to share that with other kids.

If you are in town and would like to contribute, leave me a comment with your email address (I monitor comments and won't post your info!).

Thankful Tuesday

2011-03-22T09:57:00.006-06:00

photo credit: smashing magazine

I am thankful for Spring.
For flirty Spring dresses. For cute umbrellas and rainboots.
For days of puddle jumping. For little green buds and shoots of grass.
For the sound of birds chirping away in the mornings, so thankful to be alive.
For evening strolls while holding hands, happy to be free from winter's hibernation.
For longer days. For warmer days.
For days of new beginnings.

My Life in a List: The Olfactory Edition

2011-03-17T10:35:00.003-06:00

Let's start this post discussing the image the word olfactory puts in my head. I instantly imagine a factory creating old. The place where all the wonderful old things in this world come from: movies, pictures, babushkas. It's a bittersweet factory. It cures feelings of nostalgia by creating the old we miss, but all old things do need to cease existing in order to be old and thus that feeling of decay and death is quite depressing. *sigh* The saddest place to work ever.

But that's not really what this post is about! Today as I walked to work, the smell of rain was in the air. That clean, fresh smell of damp Earth and moisture in the sky. And I was so excited that I could smell rain, it made me think about all of the other smells that I adore.

♥ Fresh cut grass! Sucks to be you if you have severe allergies and can't handle this wonderful aroma
♥ Baking Bread! Seriously, I love the smell of baking bread so much, that sometimes I just bake a loaf to act as an air freshener.
♥ Similar idea as to bread is the smell of a stew that has been simmering in your crock pot all day. To walk into your house, greeted with the savory odor is pure heaven
♥ Right-out-of-the-shower boys! That clean smell of soap on the smoothest part of their skin. AMAZING!
♥ The smell of diesel and dirt mixed in work clothes is also hot. Feel free to judge. I have a weakness for hardworking men.
♥ Vanilla. I will always love vanilla. Since the 7th grade.
♥ Bon fires! But not ones that have had gas cans poured all over and are burning whatever is available. I know rednecks that do this, I do not recommended roasting marshmallows on these open fires.
♥ Pages of books. Seriously. Any book I have read, I fan the pages in front of my nose. I can't describe its awesomeness.
♥ Cinnamon oatmeal. This tastes as delicious as it smells
♥ Brewing coffee. Like bread and stew this is one of my favorite air fresheners in my home

What are your favorite smells?

Dear Wikipedia,

2011-03-14T13:18:00.001-06:00

I love you. You never judge my questions or make me feel silly for not knowing something. You teach me so much and I truly owe you most of the credit for the random factoids I know. I hope we can be together forever.

Sincerely,
LB

Help Wanted

2011-03-11T12:38:00.004-07:00

So my amazing work buddies hooked me up with a red panda for my birthday. And even though there are certain people out there who would like to remind me that sponsorship of an animal and owning an animal are actually very different, I disagree. As far as I am concerned, I pretty much own a panda. A red one. That's cute. Here is a picture of the documents showcasing my name stating that I have sponsored (read: OWN!) a panda. I know he is not coming home with me. That doesn't mean I love him any less.

The help I need is deciding upon a name for my panda. I want something unique, but not too hollywood (therefore not naming my panda Apple or Rumour). I would kind of like the name to have some sort of reference to great literature. And maybe some sort of Chinese influence to recognize my panda's roots.

Some ideas I already have:

Aramis Chin
Günther
Cyprian

What would you name your red panda if you had one?

Today was my birthday

2011-03-10T22:57:00.009-07:00

I took all of the wishes from my facebook wall and the text messages sent to me to create this worldle:

I have the greatest support network. From my first text that made me smile huge to receiving a panda (sponsored, he still lives at the zoo) to a creative dolphin tank complete with dolphins to a dinner date with my daddy. BEST DAY EVER!

What I am Reading Wednesday!

2011-03-09T11:18:00.003-07:00

Hi everybody! Remember this feature I attempted to regularly do? I decided to resurrect it today (because it's that time of year to think about resurrections? you decide!)

Right now I am reading the final novel for my 20th Century Lit course. It's a little novella we all came to know through Mr. Stanley Krubrick's adaptation in the early 1970s. Except, I (and most likely many of you) didn't watch it until much later than that.

A Clockwork Orange is chock full of juxtapositions, creative slang, metaphors and motifs. The movie is good, but, like all movies based on books, the book is WAY better!

I'm only in the early stages of part two. The "ultraviolence" and "horrorshow" antics of part one were captivating. Picking up on the slang that is seemingly a mixture of Russian and Shakespearean amazed me. At first, the story seemed so confusing due to the language, but I quickly became accustomed to it and I am now fully absorbed in the plot. I am at the part where Alex is in jail, just blamed for the death of a cellmate and signed up for the procedure that will "cure" him of his violent ways.

I read a little bit about the author before starting this novel. Supposedly, he broke the story into 3 parts of 7 to showcase Alex's metamorphosis into becoming an adult. The 21 chapters is symbolic of 21 being the age of majority in many places. The creative use of Russian words captured into the slang was because he didn't want his story to be trapped in a certain time period, but one that was ageless. And I love that he has his protagonist passionate about classical music. The juxtaposition of highbrow music mixed with the lowbrow antics and violence is thrilling.

I suggest you read this. And watch the movie if you haven't. Just prepare yourself for ultraviolent scenes.

Dear World,

2011-03-08T21:27:00.001-07:00

I'm happy. Really, really happy. For no real reason. I just feel like things in life are right where they are supposed to be. And it's a fantastic feeling.

Sincerely,
Laura

My Life in a List: If I were to create an online dating profile

2011-03-07T22:26:00.009-07:00

This is how I would describe myself.
It would really narrow down who I am looking for*.

1.I swear like a trucker. I like to pepper philosophical discussions and debates on literature with the f-word. I try to use it every second word to really stress the other words

2.In the late 90s I was a hand model. I fell off my bike and scarred my knuckles. My entire career was ruined and my hands had to settle for a low budget film career. It is awkward when people recognize my hands from certain "movies" -awkward for both parties in the conversation. Me for being in said movie, other person for having to admit to watching it. So..if you're going to ask, yes that was me.

3. I am a devoted Catholic twice a day at 11:11. I always ask God for something in those moments.

4.I'm only interested in the online aspect of dating. Please don't think we'll EVER meet face-to-face. It's because I have a phobia of walking through doors since I watched Sliding Doors and The Chronicles of Narnia. I hate that everything and anything could happen

5. I can cook a mean hotdog soup. Basically, you boil water, add hotdogs, let them simmer then serve the hotdogs on buns. I like to garnish mine with Ketchup.

6.I believe in helping homeless people out financially. I drink copious amounts and leave my empties by the trash.

7.I truly believe that the greatest moments in sport's history took place during the final scene of The Karate Kid. The Mighty Ducks V formation was pretty steller too.

8.I have an adopted pet squirrel. I encourage him (his name is Gus) to build a nest in my neighbour's rafters. It's win-win. But not for my neighbours.

9.I will always cook you your favorite meal. I will secretly add the ingredients that you are allergic too. Small things amuse me.

10.People who inspire me include Master Splinter, The Gremlins, and Terry and Dean from Fubar.

*I am mostly kidding. Please don't send me irate comments. Or I will be forced to cook you your favorite meal ;-)

So many conversations take place...

2011-03-04T15:07:00.006-07:00

... around one's kitchen table. Small talk over meals, serious talks over cups of coffee, silly talks over shots of Tequila. For years I have been thinking about what my dream kitchen table would be. When I first moved out, I had room mates and one had a table already so no need to buy one was there.

When Adam and I lived together, it was one of those things on my list but I wasn't sure how long we would be in our place for (hindsight is always 20/20. My gut knew).
When I moved in here, I knew I needed one. And even though I know this is not my forever home, I wanted something that was of value and I could use it either in my future kitchen or, ideally, my future games room.

I bit the bullet this morning. Using my bonus from work and the excuse that I deserved something for my upcoming birthday, I dragged my dad to all sorts of furniture stores. He had the truck in case I found one. And find one I did.

This was also half an action item on my 30 before 30 (number 12). And now I feel so grown up and ready to invite people over for a dinner party!

I've mastered a lot so far in this life

2011-03-01T21:39:00.004-07:00

Do you ever sit back and take stock of everything you have learned in your life and learned well?

Do you ever pat yourself on the back for being fearless enough as a baby to take that first step into toddler-hood and relish in the fact that you have mastered the art of walking?

Do you ever congratulate yourself on the ability to listen to the sounds around you and connect them with symbols, learning to mimic the sounds so that you could converse? Do you ever think about just how many sounds and symbols you know that aid in just regular small talk? Not to mention when you are well-versed in a certain subject and communicate your learnings on a higher and more in depth level?

Do you ever think about everything your brain goes through just to read a sentence, take the combination of the symbols of the letters, connect that symbol to another symbol in order to comprehend what you are reading? And realize how amazing you are for being able to learn how to do that?

Do you remember how many times you fell off your bike before you figured out the art of balancing? Do you even think about how awesome it is that you can now race your bicycle around without even considering the simple act of balance anymore?

Do you appreciate your cognitive understanding to estimate, add, subtract, multiply, divide, and maybe even realize how learning algebra does apply to real life?

Do you have gratitude that you can master simple recipes that allow you to take care of yourself with one of the basic needs of nourishment? Do you take time to think about how complex recipes are just a combination of simple ones and the ability to read allows you to take that risk to attempt the complexity?

Do you cherish how accomplished you actually are in life that you can handle the pitfalls that inevitably come your way using critical and analytical thinking?

Do you ever thank those who taught you these things for their patience while you mastered the skills of developing?

When we took our first steps, every one around was so proud and thrilled and the moments were documented. Now, we don't clap for each other when we are going for a walk. Or when we write our names. Or when we can count change. These accomplishments became habits and expectations. We should remember how awesome we are that we came this far.

More love for Riverdale

2011-02-28T10:48:00.003-07:00

I think they should find someone to take this "trailer" and film it into a full length film.

2011-02-28T10:16:00.001-07:00

I loved him as we always love for the first time; with idolatry and wild passion.
- Candide

On finding your passion

2011-02-27T18:50:00.004-07:00

Last Thursday, the department at work I just joined had an off site. We began the morning discussing 2010 and where we wanted to go in 2011. And then we spent the afternoon broken into teams of 3 or 4, mastering the art of sweeping and throwing rocks. There were prizes for team themes and costumes, and it was awesome seeing so much creativity on the curling rink (is it called a rink?).

Before the afternoon team building event, we were treated to a guest speaker. Cori Morris (nee Bartel) was the lead on the Canadian Women's Curling Team in the 2010 Olympics. She shared with us her passion and how she works to get there.

The most interesting part of this talk was that Cori's passion was not really a specific thing. It wasn't baking or gardening or curling. Her passion was making herself better. When she mentioned this it was like a light went off in my head. I do all of these things and make all of these plans and imagine all of these outcomes in the hope that I will truly stumble upon the one thing that causes me great elation. The honest truth (redundant? yes, but I'm cool with it) is, I do most of these things because I want to be the best me I can be. I try so many various activities and hobbies imagining all of the time that I will find that "one" thing that will take over my life (in a good way).

But what if, like Cori, my passion is just becoming better. Working hard every day becoming a stronger, smarter, talented person? I enjoy that process of learning and attempting to master so many different hobbies. And if I start really throwing myself into doing things because I love that it will help me become a better person, then it means I have stumbled upon my passion too. And all of those hobbies and activities become even more enjoyable. It just seems win-win.

Another part of Cori's speech was about the Olympics. She described how she felt standing on the podium accepting the silver medal and how the one thing she would change if she could that day would be to smile bigger. To be more proud that she made it not only to the Olympics, but she placed in one of the top positions. The take-away for me while listening to this story was that one should smile bigger with each little accomplishment. Really enjoy the moment and the sense of being apt, capable, strong and worthy. I think too often we don't really realize how much we have conquered and completed in our lives to get where we are today.

Meow, Meow, Meow

2011-02-19T17:53:00.005-07:00

Tonight I am donating more of my time to help out the MEOW Foundation at the MEOW Rocks! event. There will be live music. There will be an auction (most likely a silent one). There will be a chance to win a 50/50. And there will be drinks. Drinks that you will use tickets to purchase. Tickets that you will buy off of me.

This is another couple of hours to add to my volunteer challenge of 2011. I am estimating about 7 hours, but I have no idea when they will call last call for tickets.

The MEOW foundation is in Calgary and runs a "no-kill registered charity that rescues and cares for stray and abandoned cats, matches rescued cats to suitable adopters and fosters, and provides Trap Neuter Return services." They have paired with the Alberta Animal Rescue Crew Society (aka AARCS) and Pound Rescue to "raise funds to benefit homeless and abandoned cats & dogs in Calgary."

As any familiar readers here know, I have two little fur brats that are both quasi-rescued animals. Molly is from the shelter and Oryx was fate. Oryx's mom was a stray that I witnessed stupid Magpies attacking and I brought her to a friend's house. Little did we know she was prego at first. The mom was too wild to be a house cat, so (I believe) is now living the dream on a farm and Oryx is the complete opposite, living the dream as an overfed cat who gets to chase a larger than life rat-dog (aka Molly). The rest of the litter went to good homes.

I have always enjoyed having a pet around. The unconditional love you receive from your dog or cat is the best part. Supporting a charity that helps cats (as well as other charities that help both) is important to me as I think these little guys definitely deserve to find a forever home.

You can find out more about the MEOW foundation here, AARCS here and Pound Rescue here.

And about tonight's event here

UPDATE: I was actually put on the VIP table for will call tickets and to check in the Stampeder CFL players that put in an appearance. The night was a blast, I added another 6 hours to my goal and the band rocked this charity event so hard, they blew a fuse! It was pretty awesome :)

Dear new boots

2011-02-16T21:28:00.002-07:00

I love you. I am sure the other soles in my closet are feeling a little jealous. You were a fantastic investment.

Sinecerly,
LB

UPDATE: Just for Canadian Saver, here is a picture. They rise to sit just over my knee.

BBMing with Muds*

2011-02-14T23:38:00.003-07:00

Laura: Hi I'm watching Basic Instinct. I feel disappointed by the epic leg crossing scene. Why is this so epic?
Muds: I think in an uncut version you see more than u bargained for (at least that is what guys said...). In any case, that is what the script suggest the cops saw and they were drooling over the flash
Laura: Agressive love scene was more "flashy"
Muds: Yes, but not as suggestive
Laura: Um. I just saw Michael Douglas's wang. Pretty Suggestive.
Muds: Too blatant
Laura: Fair enough
Muds: Love you -- Happy Valentine's Day

*muds is my mommy

Dear World,

2011-02-14T17:50:00.003-07:00

Today was amazing!

My place of employment offered me a position that is so much more close to my personality. And it only made sense that I said "hells yeah," but in the completely professional manner of "that sounds wonderful!"

I will be aiding in the organization and hosting of events for customers (present ones and potential ones). I believe that my stint with GirlTalk Events will help me with this new role AND I love working with people representing the company I work for.

And to top the day off, there was candy every where that people brought in! SO EXCITING! Candy is one of the best perks of working in an office during holidays.

And now, I am off to spend an amazing evening with my Valentine. Movies and dinner and maybe a celebratory glass of vino to commemorate this new chapter in my life.

I think this is my favorite Monday EVER!

Sincerely,
Laura

PS. Happy 20th anniversary of Silence of the Lambs. If you know anyone turning 20 this November, good chance his or her parents had a date with this movie first ;-)

It's like re-connecting with old friends

2011-02-09T22:23:00.004-07:00

I went to help my brother out with some things this afternoon and while I was at my mom's house decided to load up my car with some boxes she has been storing for me.

This evening has been somewhat magical. These boxes she stored for me are filled with my childhood toys and books. There is even some of my art work, poetry and stories from when I was a kid. The books have been my favorite thing to peruse.

When I was kid, life in my household was slightly dramatic. At times, more than slightly. Other times, a little bit less. But there always seemed to be some catastrophe or another we had to deal with. I fell in love with reading as a way to escape from my family and join another one (even if it was only for a couple of hours).

Pawing through the books brought back so many memories. So many good memories. The anticipated Scholastic book fairs, browsing through bins at Costco while my parents grocery shopped (where I obtained almost the entire Baby-Sitters Club series -- some were sold off when I was 11, but I kept my favorites), and (the one that makes me laugh a bit) when my parents signed me up for the Especially for Girls mail order book club. Every month for a year, a new book about teenagers was sent to me. At 10 or 11, this was super exciting as I believed life was really going to start for me at the magical age of 13.

The selections this book club sent to me included What Every Girl Should Know About Boys! and Teen Girl Talk as well as countless romances staring the dream boy (in fact, one is titled Dream Boy). I re-read what Every Girl Should Know tonight in about half an hour. The advice may explain some of the decisions I have made in relationships. It's pretty solid advice, but I think I warped it to fit my preconceived notions of having the fairytale romance.

I'm not going to lie, I am pretty stoked to reacquaint myself with some of my favorite characters, get some more style tips from NYC sophisticate Stacy McGill and artsy Claudia Kishi, travel the rough seas with Charlotte Doyle and fully understand the grown-up humour that I missed in the Ramona Quimby novels.

I haven't gone through all of the boxes yet, but I do believe I saved a few issues of my old YM and Seventeen magazines too.

I can't even explain what I am feeling this evening. Just really super content, remembering myself as a young teen. If you're all lucky, maybe one day I'll post one of the poems or short stories I wrote.

Lists are Magical

2011-02-08T22:09:00.009-07:00

People I would love to be for one day

Victoria Beckham

When I become a soccer mom, this is how I would like to go about doing it.
Big sunglasses? Check
Killer wardrobe? Check
Incredible Shoes? Check
Hot Soccer Playing Husband? Check

Martha Stewart

I would love to be able to bake, craft, decorate, and garden my way to be being a multi-millionaire. I would also do this with a martini in my right hand. It would be a good thing.

Jane Aldridge of seaofshoes

Mostly, I would just like to play in this teen's closet. Her shoe collection inspires me to get more and more daring with my styles. Stumbling upon her blog was the most magical moment in my life. Oh shoe porn, how I love thee.

Brigitte Bardot

Mostly for her tresses, but fluently speaking Francaise would be tres awesome as well.

Norah Jones

This girl is cute, has an amazing voice, her music is awesome and she seems like she would be wicked cool to hang out with. All traits I would love to have :)

Who would you love to be for a day?

200 Volunteer Hours in 2011 Challenge

2011-02-06T11:27:00.003-07:00

I mentioned earlier that I challenged myself to give back 200 hours of my time volunteering with different organizations. Yesterday I helped out the Canadian Red Cross with a fundraising casino. I was "hired" in the banker position and I have never in my life touched so much money. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in my hands. I was a little giddy. And stacking the hundreds in stacks of $5000 was one of the highlights of my shift.

The casino itself was busy, but the shift was slow. We had a little bit of a rush before dinner as people cashed in their chips before leaving for home, but other than that I spent most of my day getting to know a group of people I would have never met in any other situation. And we discussed everything from politics to religion to best restaurants in town. The group was super diverse with people from different parts of the world so the view points that everyone had really created a super interesting conversation.

I "worked" 8 hours yesterday which is a great start to my challenge. And the people I met provided me with a lot more ideas and connections to get more volunteer hours in.

Very awesome day!

There is a digital film fest happening in Calgary right now, so this afternoon I am going to go watch The Goonies on the big screen. SUPER STOKED! Sometimes, my life is awesome :)

Thankful Tuesday

2011-02-01T22:42:00.004-07:00

Having the opportunity to sit down in a one-on-one with someone I admire greatly and hearing her describe my potential and my growth in positive terms

Finding out a special little girl received her birthday package from me and loves it

Having the ability to read. An ability that many take for granted.

Chinooks blowing in creating a happier mood among every one around

Hot chocolate, bubble baths and sudoku puzzles

Embracing this insomnia I am facing again and using it to complete many goals

Playful bets on Groundhog Shadow Seeing that make work weeks more fun

Cheesy Pick Up Lines trending on Twitter. Bad pick up lines make me laugh. Making me laugh is the way to my heart. Conclusion? I will probably always fall for bad pick up lines.

Feel Free to Judge...

2011-01-29T23:08:00.004-07:00

... I have been watching a marathon of 16 and Pregnant to fully understand the new cast of Teen Mom 2. And I have kind of turned it into a drinking game. As trash-tastic as this show is, I also find myself tearing up in quite a few of the episodes.

And so far, my d-bag of the season awards go to:
Josh (Season 2, episode 2) - this dude would break up with his prego g-friend so he could date some other girl and then go back to prego g-friend. He stands Nikkole up after the homecoming dance. And while she is in labour, he complains she is taking up too much of the hospital bed and gets into a fight with her mom while Nikkole whimpers between labour pains, pleading for him to stop it. This kid deserves to be punched in the face.

Adam (Season 2, episode 4)- this kid gets mad when his gf actually has a life. He tells her dad he is going to be there for her, but then decides his car is more important than his little girl. He is also super charming when he sends a text message to Chelsea telling her she is a bad mom for going to a football game with her friends, and that he wants to sign away his mistake. The worst part is that in Teen Mom 2, she is in the process of taking him back! I feel she should re-watch her episode of 16 and Pregnant, Clockwork Orange style.

Alex (Season 2, episode 12)- he spent money on new Nikes while the baby still didn't have a stroller. Priorities boys! Plus, he told his friends that living with a girl sucks. Word of advise? Don't knock her up if you don't plan on a life long commitment, even if you're not together you will still have a little being connecting you.

I have been sort of jumping from episode to episode, not really watching anything in order (thanks mtv.ca for just having this online!) and when I watched Ashley's episode where her aunt and uncle adopt her baby, I cried and cried as she became more and more depressed about her decision. Then I found her blog online (thanks Twitter!) and even though its been over a year, she is still very sad and unsure about her decision.

I need to find a nice white-trash episode to make me feel better -- or maybe some Jersey Shore.

Also, I will most likely update my douche bag list. The night is young.

It sure is eye-opening....

2011-01-29T14:10:00.005-07:00

...when you are in the middle of a shower and you suddenly realize that you are letting your heart hurt over someone you are not even sure you even liked the entire time you were together.

Since day one I was second to someone else and watched him walk in and out. Yet kept compromising myself for him. No wonder people thought I was crazy! I was.

I am tired of lamenting about wasted time and broken promises. He showed me week one that we were together that I wasn't important enough. Like so many other girls, I was stupid and thought I was special enough that he would change his mannerisms. That he would wake up suddenly and realize that I deserved to be number one. And the only way I would be there to see him do this is if I constantly stuck around. Which allowed him to continue leaving me lower and lower on his priority list.

All I can do is laugh at myself. It's like a sad, dark comedy. Where I got more and more insane living in this fantasy world where he would stop hurting me. And I think back now and I didn't even really like him that much.

What is wrong in this world, where we allow ourselves to constantly be hurt by someone who we know is a d-bag. I know for me, I wanted to prove everyone who told me he was a d-bag wrong. I wanted to show them that I was so special that he changed his d-bag ways. I wanted to show them that I don't make wrong decisions. Oh Pride, how you lead me astray at times.

And now, I know I am actually not even sad about that lost relationship. I am sad that I wasted so much time on someone who was not even nice to me. Any nice thing he ever did for me was because of guilt. He felt guilty that he had put me last and tried to make up for it with trips and gifts and all sorts of bullshit when all I wanted was to be number one in his life. He couldn't do it.

I have had a moment of clarity and I need to be strong enough and trust myself enough to know that leaving him was the best decision I ever made.

Finger painting

2011-01-27T09:06:00.005-07:00

One thing that I truly love about my iPad is the Doodlebuddy App.

I can spend hours using my fingers to make lines, smudge colors, create impressionistic art and let creative energy literally pass from my fingertips to the canvas without so much as getting one drop of paint or streak of marker on me. I have never been a neat person when it come to coloring and somehow always ended up with more color on me than the paper. Doodlebuddy allows me to spend an afternoon in a coffeeshop coloring without having to worry that I will meet someone with marker all over my face.

I believe this App is also on the iPhone too. What better way to pass time in a doctor's office or on the bus than coloring?

Also, Dear Rainman, I miss you.

Good Bye Mrs. Weatherbee (Nee Grundy)

2011-01-23T14:03:00.005-07:00

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I have loyally followed the kids from Riverdale's lives since I was a child. Yesterday I was at the grocery store and picked up the latest issue of Life with Archie: The Married Life.

The first story where Archie is living out his married life with Veronica followed the mayoral race between Marmaduke "Moose" Mason and three-term mayor of Riverdale Murray Ruskin (now you know that Moose's real name was Marmaduke if you didn't already). Moose wins after Ruskin inadvertently reveals his connections to fraud and corruption (which also has something to do with Mr. Lodge!!!!). The segment ended with Reggie being arrested.

The second story follows Archie and Betty's married life. And this issue was heartbreaking. Mr Weatherbee and Miss Grundy married near the end of the "Will you Marry Me" storyline. And the newlywed Mrs. Weatherbee finds out she has cancer. She keeps it a secret from everyone except her husband because she didn't want anyone worrying or feeling sorry for her. The segment has the entire gang sitting in the hospital waiting room reminiscing about tid bits of advice that Mrs. Weatherbee provided to each character through out the years. They are all passing time waiting for any (hopefully good) news about her condition as she lies in a hospital bed.

I teared up when Jughead and Midge (married now) receive a phone call at Jughead's Chocklit Shoppe and are asked to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I had full on tears streaming down my cheeks as Mr. Weatherbee informs the group that she has lost her battle with cancer and is gone. And I could barely read the words of the story during her funeral.

As always, Archie comic books have provided me with more life lessons and Mrs. Grundy-Weatherbee will be missed. She was hard on her students, but only because she believed in each and every one of them and the potential for greatness that each person is capable of.

Best piece of advise from this issue is when Veronica has a flashback and Archie is driving off with Betty which upsets her. Miss Grundy tells Veronica that she is an enabler of Archie's behavior and because Veronica "and Betty are so afraid Archie will choose the other girl, [they] let him get away with his childish behavior."

Thank you Miss Grundy. Your words always had an impact on me as well.

Shooting Rage

2011-01-22T17:08:00.008-07:00

Bullets with Butterfly Wings
Super excited to shoot!

I have had a crazy last two weeks with a lot of change (mostly at work). When DP and RF called me this morning to see if I wanted to go learn how to shoot a gun at the Shooting Range, I jumped on the chance. It's on my 30 before 30 and I thought it might be a great way to release some feelings I have about all of this change.

What I learned today:
1) I am shake-y as hell when shooting a gun (it was just a little 9mm)
2) Instead of hitting the target, I kept shooting the picture of Jason Statham (Freudian slip??)
3) I have the greatest best friends in the world. I have know DP since I was 10 and RF since the beginning of high school. This was a first experience for all three of us and I am super stoked we experienced it together.

And true to my nature, as soon as we were done playing with guns, I went to a baby shower where I enjoyed looking at cute little clothes for my friend's anticipated arrival.

DP
RF
ME
My Target Sheet

Oh emm gee!!

2011-01-18T21:41:00.003-07:00

I'm hella excited. I was sent a link to the wickedest website ever. Feel free to take a walk down memory lane peeps!

http://imremembering.com/

found an old school mate's blog...

2011-01-16T22:48:00.002-07:00

...and I realized that I am not the only one "left behind" in life. It's interesting to note that, albeit our paths in life are different, we are at similar milestones. And in a graduating class of over 1000 people, there is a good chance that I am on a similar path as many of my peers. It's okay that I am not in a relationship, or not married, or don't have an offspring. If those things are supposed to happen, they will. I'm not left behind which makes it feel better and I feel less pathetic.

She refers to her blogging journey as creating a new and improved version of herself and I think it's interesting that when we all feel like we aren't on the same path as our peers, we instantly want to change ourselves. To fit in, to have what they have, by being like them.

I am a victim of this change idea too. I constantly make lists and plans of what I need to do to be better. But really, I'm pretty awesome. I have a giant heart that still remains open even after being broken (silly heart, when will you learn?), I am super creative, I have a great job, I have great friends, I have a dog and kitty who rely on me and are very forgiving. I am also fairly witty, know what the cool kids are up to, and smart enough to make my own decisions on what is cool or not.

Yes, I have my faults. I have trouble letting people and things go. I suffer from maybe one too many pity parties. I worry too much if people like me, never asking myself if I even like said person. I do not handle my emotions well, and when I am angry, disappointed, sad, lonely or sometimes even bored, I tend to cry ( thus the pity parties). I also suffer sometimes from foot-in-mouth disease.

But those things help make me ME, and shouldn't I accept the bad with the good? And if I am more accepting, focusing mostly on the good, then maybe the bad will not seem so bad?

It's crazy how in one hour, one can go from thinking she needs to change everything about herself, to realizing she needs to start accepting everything about herself. If I start accepting it, then others will too. I shouldn't have to apologize for being me.

Finicky Ficus

2011-01-13T11:15:00.004-07:00

Earlier this week I was sure I had murdered my Ficus tree. Or was at least an accomplice to the murder of my Ficus tree (I feel Oryx also had a hand in this too as he keeps thinking the tree is actually his private jungle gym). Only two green leaves remained on the bleak, lifeless branches. Google informed me that having at least one green leaf did mean that there was life still in the trunk of the tree, but I worried about its soul.

Last night I was sitting in my new favorite chair (more like a nest really) under the tree reading. I have my best lighting there to simulate sunshine in my North-facing darkened apartment. I stretched at one point, and looking up I noticed little bits of green sprouts shooting off the naked branches! EXCITING! I know it may take months for this tree to fully recover from whatever shock it was that caused it to lose all of its leaves, but it's inspiring to see some growth.

I am a lot like this Ficus. I went through a bit of a shock last Spring. And tried my hardest to not allow it to affect my outward appearance, but tired of keeping up a facade, I finally let my leaves drop off so that I could focus on nurturing my soul. Some days are harder then others. Some days it feels as though I am lifeless, cold and stagnant. Those are the hardest days and I struggle to not allow those feelings to cover me like a large blanket in false protection from the outside world.

Other days, I catch my reflection by surprise and I see tiny little sprouts of growth. Those days are filled with me smiling and laughing. I truly feel alive and in love with my life. Those are the days that I realize that there is still energy left in my core and I can handle whatever shocks come my way. I may react by becoming somewhat deciduous, but the seasons will change and soon enough I will be vibrant and hearty again.

Lyrical Lattes

2011-01-12T20:12:00.007-07:00

Dolly posted this video on her blog so if you follow her, you most likely have already listened. Thanks Dolly for sharing this with me! And now, I share it with you all.

When I first listened to this song, it sent chills down my spine. I have always been drawn to this kind of sound in music...sort of dark, etheral, melodic type stuff (hence my love affair with Massive Attack, Portishead and Bat for Lashes). I listen to this song on repeat and the lyrics, albeit sad, make me feel stronger. It's like a beautiful disaster. Without the heart break, the poetry couldn't exist.

And one of the things I love to remind myself of when I am having a pity party for one, is that most great art (whatever the medium may be) is the result of heart break. And this song reminds me that sometimes love is not about being safe. You have to take a risk (which could lead to heart break) if you want to truly feel love. It's scary.

If you know any other musicians that have a similar sound, let me know. I love discovering new music (which is why I heart grooveshark!).

Do you have less than a minute?

2011-01-10T14:06:00.004-07:00

The Alberta Cancer Foundation needs your help to win $100k from Pepsi (and just so we are clear, I still don't like Pepsi, but I can't help who runs these programs).

They (the Alberta Cancer Foundation) host the "World's Longest Hockey Game" to raise money for cancer research and equipment. Their goal this year is to raise $1 million for new equipment that can aid in administering radiation therapies to cancer patients.

For 10 days straight, 40 men will lace up and play in shifts for a 240+ hour hockey game, braving the prairie winter elements in the hopes to raise the money needed. The Alberta Cancer Foundation would like the $100k from Pepsi to help with the building of the rink, the food on sight, and equipment for the players.

It takes less than 1 minute to vote and you could help the people that cancer affects every day. In Alberta alone, they estimate that 16000 people will be diagnosed with cancer this year. What's one less minute of your facebooking time?

Go here to vote. And remember that you can vote once a day :)

And this is why I love the girls from the Shore

2011-01-08T23:24:00.002-07:00

If you can laugh at yourself, you're awesome

Casual Friday

2011-01-07T13:26:00.011-07:00

Snooki released her book, millions of birds and fish drop dead, and Mark Twain rolls over in his grave*. It's been a crazy start to 2011

Can I start by saying that although I am not expecting any sort of literary masterpiece, I am kind of curious about Snooki's book? And her release also has me thinking that if she can write a book, what in the world is stopping me from writing a book? I think I need to do some laundry, hit up the gym and then maybe meditate over this while soaking in some artificial rays at the tanning salon. I might even feel a stab of inspiration to write a story about a group of kids who work at a gelato place in Miami over a few weeks during winter break in between copious shots and smooshes. Somethings missing though...possibly highlight their pride in their ethnicity? What's that? It's been done? F@#K!

And, the same week she releases a book, the "new" Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is released as well. Twain wrote this book as a social commentary using the common language of the day. And yes, the words he used are a bit "uncomfortable," but doesn't that say something about how our society has grown and changed? We can't erase the past, but we do need to embrace it. And part of the point of Huck's adventures is Huck realizing that Jim is more than property, but a person who deserves his freedom. That's way more important than what words are used or were accepted at the time of writing (and I better not find any mention of the derogatory word "guido" in Snooki's masterpiece).

That said, if we are now censoring a great piece of literature, we must also start censoring some of the greatest poets of the 20th century. No longer when I am listening to gangster rap, do I want to hear the "N" word and would like all prior instances replaced with the word slave so that it is a little less "uncomfortable."

How do birds and fish tie into all of this you ask? Well, is it really any coincidence that the same week the literary world receives a harsh blow, the animals start protesting through mass suicide? I don't believe in coincidences.

Finally, because we are talking about the use of the "n" word, I am including the most Penguin-Awesome video of 2011 to date. Please note that this uses a lot of inappropriate language. Viewer discretion is advised.

*I assume...because who wants to have someone change the wording of your book after it's been a best seller for hundreds of years. Next thing, we'll re-write Paul's million letters to everyone in the Bible and World War II.

My Confession

2011-01-06T15:07:00.002-07:00

I don't only write here. I have two other blogs, for my eyes only, where I write exactly what I feel, think, want, love and hate. I have kept a diary since...well...it seems like forever. From writing about my days on the playground, to what boy I thought was cute to what teacher I felt was out to get me. To trying to make sense of my parents divorce, my brother being taken out of our home, my parents meeting new people and how that affected my head and heart. To my own first, second, third etc. etc. heart break. To trying to reach goals and deciphering messages of my dreams and making sense of messed up memories that kept surfacing when I was in my early 20s.

I like writing here. And having people comment. And sharing my ideas on this little piece of the world I have. But there are parts of me that I don't like sharing. Yet I need to release those parts onto paper as well so I created a private place for those thoughts to be.

Sometimes I think about opening those other two blogs to see what the world would think. Combining all three into a complicated picture of me and allowing all critics to pick me apart, highlighting my best parts, trashing my shameful parts. But, I have people I know who read this. Would they be okay with me opening those other parts of my life? Would they really want to know the reactions I have to their actions? Or exactly want to see just how ugly my life has been?

Do you have other private places you write? Are you okay with the world peering into every aspect of your life? Do you censor some of what you want to write?

3 A.M.

2011-01-06T02:45:00.003-07:00

Le sigh.

Dear sleep,

I miss you. I miss having consistent rendezvous avec you. I keep telling my brain to shut off, but she is not listening and here I am, wondering if it's better just to get up now in order to avoid finally passing out and being late for work. Can I make a deal with the Sandman? Can I promise him my soul if he will provide me with 6-8 hours of sleep every night for the rest of my life?

Consider my offer, dear Sleep. It will be beneficial to both of us.

Sincerely,
LB

Breakfast of Champions

2011-01-02T11:30:00.003-07:00

Today my "Tip for a Happy Heart" informed me that I should "Never underestimate [my] capacity for change."

Thanks Quaker Oatmeal.

Looking forward to little changes this year. Little changes that will create a better me. Starting off with actually eating breakfast every morning instead of copious amounts of coffee that get me through to about lunch time.

And if you're looking for some inspiration on Fresh Starts, check out this post!

2011

2010-12-30T21:23:00.004-07:00

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good

End of 2010, end of a decade

2010-12-30T12:25:00.003-07:00

It's hard to believe that I began this decade still in high school. In fact, I rang in 2000 downtown with DP and RF. Drinking from a bottle because we were too young to get into a bar. I remember it was freezing cold.

I rang in 2001, lying on my couch unable to walk as I had been thrown out of a car in a horrible accident the night before.

The rest of the NYE's were pretty standard. Bars or house parties, kissing randoms on cheeks at midnight, years that I had a boyfriend I would get to kiss him on the lips.

It feels like as I get older, New Year's Eve has begun to lose its luster. It just seems like another night and I know that not too much will be different on Saturday. I can make the usual list of things I want to change about myself and my life. I can have a drink and toast midnight with the hope that 2011 will be better than 2010. I just feel very ennui about the entire thing this year. The entire build up to one night that is never truly as amazing as I imagine it's going to be is kind of mentally draining.

Maybe something will magically happen over night and tomorrow I will feel more excited about it all.

Dexter Season 5

2010-12-26T19:21:00.003-07:00

*** Warning, this is going to contain spoilers****

I finished watching season five this afternoon. And I feel like Dexter is getting sloppier and sloppier. For example, he is at the scene of one murder, steals a car and crashes it at the scene of another. The police should see that as highly suspicious, no?

Also, Jordan Chase's motive for being the ringleader and instigator is never really explained. I get that he gets off on telling people what to do, but I don't understand how this equated to controlling a group of four men in the rape of a woman...how did it all start? what clicked in his head and when? And being as Jordan was originally a fat kid who seemed friendless with no charisma, why would the other kids listen to him to begin with?

I thought I would miss Rita more. But I don't. And all of my theories from the season 4 ending didn't pan out. And will the FBI continuously probe the Kyle Butler angle -- that seemed to be dropped pretty quick and Dexter was not at all concerned. Which one would think he would be. Also, everyone all season recognized Dexter as the guy who's wife was killed by the Trinity killer. Wouldn't Trinity's family have read or heard about this and recognized Dexter as Kyle Butler?

Finally, as much as I read that I would hate Julia Stiles added to the cast, I actually loved her and was sad when she left. And I have developed a secret crush on Joseph Quinn. Don't let Peter Petrelli know.

Did you watch Season 5? Thoughts??

Christmas Eve...

2010-12-24T09:13:00.003-07:00

...and the cafe at work is out of milk. I can only assume it's due to the supply and demand of the milk industry that takes place this time of year, making sure some jolly fellow from way up North gets his yearly intake.

And this means I am having a soy latte. Things I learned about myself this morning include I really only like soy when it is flavored. And I should have asked for a shot of vanilla or something in this.

I also was up before the world today (my usual m.o. it seems lately) and so spent this day before festive days watching the first few episodes of Dexter's season 5. A perfect way to start a day :)

Hurray!

2010-12-22T19:36:00.002-07:00

I just wrote my midterm for my 20th Century English Lit course. And although I missed reading two novels (they were not included in the study manual, but were add-ons that I missed seeing in the box), I think I did well.

And now, I enjoy this lovely glass of wine. Christmas break goal is to read the next 2 novels. In between crazy carpeting down a mountain and lots of ice skating.

Total Eclipse of My...

2010-12-21T10:11:00.005-07:00

...moon.

Last night to celebrate Winter Solstice, the Earth, Moon and Sun decided to line up just right to create a lunar eclipse. It started at about 11:30 pm (mountain time, my time) and by 12:41 am there was complete eclipse. It was the usual below freezing weather here, but I lucked out with a perfect view of the moon from my bedroom window! SCORE!

And, to make this event even more penguin-awesome, the skies were perfectly clear. I could make out Orion just South-West of the moon and I knew that if any crazy shenanigans took place, my little hunter would protect me.

The coolest thing ever was that just as we reached total eclipse, the clouds blew in and covered the sky. It was the neatest thing to see the moon covered with just a sliver showing and clouds rolling over top slightly. Straight out of a movie (but not that stupid Eclipse movie, I refuse to promote anything to do with that franchise).

And now, days start getting longer again. Pretty awesome way to celebrate, Celestial Spheres! Thanks :)

PS.Santa Baby, how about putting a telescope under the tree, for me?

Reverb10

2010-12-20T09:34:00.005-07:00

I read today's prompt. And I am beginning to feel like I am repeating myself. I feel like I keep being asked the same question from different angles to really over-analyze my year. And I am bored with it. And I already think too much and analyze the things I could of, would of, should of from so many angles. And then I feel like I am still stuck in the past, in this darker place where I was struggling to get out.

So, I am not answering anymore Reverb10 prompts in the next 11 days unless they feel really different and I don't think the issue has already been covered.

Last year's prompts were different. They asked what I thought was the year's best laugh, best website, best discovered band, etc. I liked looking back over the year at all of the positive stuff (maybe I just feel like this was a more negative year because of one significant event?). I was looking more for something like that this year.

Here are a few things (and a person!) that I do want to give a shout out to:

1. Best new person in your life in 2010? She-ra hands down. She helped the summer hours fly by in our cubicles, is great for advice, and (inadvertently) crashed a wake with me.

2. Best discovered song of 2010? MSTRKRFT "Heartbreaker." I ♥ this song.

3. Best discovered band of 2010? The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. "Heads will roll" opened the door for me to this group and I have yet to be disappointed.

4.Best discovered website of 2010? This is a tie. Grooveshark is amazing. I love that I can search any word in the world and find a playlist named that. This then leads me to discovering lots of new music. Stumbledupon is also absolutely awesome and keeps me on top of penguin-awesome links to share with my friends.

5.Best purchase of 2010? My car is pretty awesome. Other than my car, I spent a lot of mad money on shoes again this year. I am not upset with that at all.

6.Best discovered wine of 2010? Little Penguin. Seriously, this stuff is amazing. Plus the corks have little penguin feet. I am collecting them.

7.Best read book of 2010? Another tie and neither book is written in 2010. Phillip K Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep was fabulous. As was Fall On Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald. I am also reading Evelyn Waugh's A Handful of Dust right now and it has quickly won my heart.

8.Best discovered television show of 2010? Mad Men. After hearing so much, I downloaded the first few seasons and haven't looked back.

December 19 – Healing

2010-12-19T21:22:00.003-07:00

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

I am only going to answer the second part of this prompt. Why? Because it's my world and I can do what I want.

In 2011, I would like my heart to feel whole again. I would like incessant thinking until all hours of the night to either cease or just be wonderful, happy, excited thoughts. I would like to be able to trust with all of my being. I would like my confidence to regain and my insecurities to begin to lie dormant until they completely fade away.

December 17 – Lesson Learned

2010-12-17T11:03:00.005-07:00

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

The best thing I have learned about myself this year is that is okay to be single and on my own. And that the best thing I can take away from all of this "alone" time is to really enjoy that I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want.

After I first broke up with A, I felt like I had already wasted so much time chasing a dream that was never going to happen. And I thought it would be great to just meet that man waiting for me and start the rest of my life. But, I am not ready for this man yet. I have a lot of sadness and anger still about my lost dreams (and that anger is mostly at myself for letting my time be wasted) and it wouldn't be fair to any man to come into my life now with all of this baggage I am carrying.

As soon as I was honest with myself about this, I started to feel much better (albeit I am suffering from lack of sleep these days due to thinking way too much).

Last Saturday, someone double parked behind me blocking me in at the local historical park. The park was still open for another two hours and, although security did call a tow truck, I was stuck waiting. I spent the time listening to music, thinking, texting and telling myself that things could really be worse. The other choice I had was to be irate and complain, but it wasn't going to move this car so what was the point? In my thinking, I realized that my life right now is a similar situation. And I have to be patient to get out of the place I feel stuck in right now. I can either do it with a smile on my face and realizing that even though it sucks, there isn't any point in lamenting about the situation OR I can bitch, complain, cry and throw myself a pity party. And then not only will I still be stuck, but I'll feel horrible about myself too. I believe in fate and I think the Heritage Park parking lot incident happened to me to teach me a lesson about patience and being patient with grace.

I have a great heart and I am fun, kind, smart and not too shabby to look at. Everything I want in life is going to work out for me. I just have to wait till it's the right time for it to all happen. Best lesson learned of 2010.

Behind Door #307

nOOb

Love you, most

Playing Grown Up

Sunday Stealing: The never ending meme (that ends...)

Red Shoe Diary

Word Play

Blue Monday

Someone that I used to know

Your brother. Remember?

The First Half

What I am Reading Wednesday

Chopped!

“A first rate soup is better than a second rate painting” Abraham Maslow

CELEBRATION!

This is the year....

365 Days of Gratitude- January

Dear Jason

Tips from Santa's Little Helper

The Fading of the Bar Star

100 Days

On 5 Year Plans....

ENFJ

Thankful Tuesday

Procrastinating...

The Universe is telling me something today

Thankful Tuesday

Making a 6 month commitment

Chicken Soup (heals my heart)

*sniff sniff*

Volunteering Vixen

"If you put me to the test, if you let me try"

The Final Week

The Basement

The more things change, the more they stay the same....

Gratitude

Gucci Gucci

It's Friiday, Friiiday, Gotta Get down on Friiday!

Care for some gopher? *

Yahooo!!!

Mental Floss

Beware the Murder of Crows

Summer Loving

Ooops!

Walking on Sunshine

Extreme Couponing

People are Awesome

Things I can now say happened before I was 30

Tweet, tweet!

Skynet writing in the clouds

Confessions

Cork and Canvas

Dear Dairy Queen,

Snaps, Slams, and Spoken Words

My Life in a List: The fun weekends are fun edition

What I am Reading Wednesday

Thankful Tuesday

My Life in a List: The Olfactory Edition

Dear Wikipedia,

Help Wanted

Today was my birthday

What I am Reading Wednesday!

Dear World,

My Life in a List: If I were to create an online dating profile

So many conversations take place...

I've mastered a lot so far in this life

More love for Riverdale

On finding your passion

Meow, Meow, Meow

Dear new boots

BBMing with Muds*

Dear World,

It's like re-connecting with old friends

Lists are Magical

200 Volunteer Hours in 2011 Challenge

Thankful Tuesday

Feel Free to Judge...

It sure is eye-opening....

Finger painting

Good Bye Mrs. Weatherbee (Nee Grundy)

sniff sniff