Tuesday, August 30, 2011

"If you put me to the test, if you let me try"

risk   [risk]

exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance

The idea for this post has been playing around in my mind for some time now. I'm sure it hasn't been hard to figure out from my blog, but I have been getting closer and closer with someone the last couple of months. The kind of closeness that creates flutters in my stomach, and smiles at the mere mention of his name, and just overall contentedness with everything and every one in life.

There was a little bit of fear there too. At the beginning. After months of feeling strongly, but no one being able to commit. I used a lot of strength to push away that fear and take a leap and hope for the best. So far, it's been bliss.

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself. ~Soren Kierkegaard

With every relationship (romantic or platonic) comes risk. The risk of being let down. The risk of being rejected. The risk of being lied to, cheated on, and hurt. These risks are always possible as long as the relationship continues. People change, life paths alter, circumstances have things happen that a person may never have imagined he or she could have done. There's always that chance you could get hurt. Just like there is always that chance that everything is going to work out more amazing than you could have imagined.

If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being? ~Aleksander Solzhenitsyn

This is probably one of the most mature relationships I have been in. Not saying that we aren't silly and teasing and laugh at inappropriate things at inappropriate times. But because I went through my heartbreaks where I continued the same behaviors and patterns on my partners expecting them to cater to what I thought I needed in the relationship, I learned that what I was continuing to hope for was insane (in Einstein's definition). This is the first relationship where I have not looked into his past and continued probing, looking for anything that would make me distrust him. This is the first relationship where I am not hyper-concerned with making plans for our future before we have even enjoyed today. This is the first relationship where I completely accept the way he is and accept that as we grow and develop, there will be change. He will not always be the same (his core values will be consistent, but his passions, hobbies,interests won't) and I find that exciting. This is the first relationship where I feel secure. Not because of the trust I have for him, but because I have finally learned to trust myself.

Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down. ~Ray Bradbury

I took a risk with Rainman. I was able to take the risk because I took a risk on myself and learned what I was made of first. And if it doesn't work out? I know that I am strong, smart and capable of taking more risks.

And so far, the ROI has been absolutely wonderful.

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