I stumbled upon the blog Le Love one afternoon and never looked back. It is one of my favorite blogs that I look forward to every day. It is a collective effort with reader submissions and truly shows that when it comes to matters of the heart, we really are all the same. Within every post, I find myself relating...from lust to love to heart break.
Today's entry had the line "I know now that he doesn't exist" and instantly I understood. Sometimes I think we want so much in a partner we look past all of the flaws and faults (which you should to a degree) and start only focusing on the things we like, creating this person in our mind based on minuscule characteristics. And then one day, you catch sight of who this person really is and it's the shock that the person doesn't actually fit into the mold you created that causes all of the pain and the heart break.
I know that I have done this in multiple relationships. Only focusing on the good and then surprised when the bad happens -- even though my gut was throwing up red flags all along. And then I blame the boyfriend for not being what I imagined him to be. Not fitting into the mold I created for him in my imaginary world of romance. No wonder our relationship failed!
When I read that line today, it hit me. He (that I love) doesn't really exist. And if he doesn't really exist, then how can I still be sad and hurt and angry? Things that aren't real, can't really hurt you -- right??
So then comes the bigger question....how can I stop myself from doing this, creating this, pretending this, again and again? How do I train my eye and my heart to look at the entire person, not just the pieces that make me flutter with butterflies, and decide that his flaws are part of what I love too (because I know that everyone has flaws)? Does it just happen or do I need to re-train my brain?
I want to be fair to the next man that wins my affection. So that I can be fair to myself too.