Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Mr. Sandman

Last night I suffered from crazy upsetting dreams. The kind where I woke up at least twice with tears streaming down my face. I know what most likely triggered the tumultuous emotional train wreck that took place in my head last night. I made myself focus on some of the uglier things of my past instead of just the rainbows and butterflies and told myself that I was worth more than those ugly things. That I should have stood up for myself a long time ago and believed that I was worth more than those things. That, quite possibly, because I didn't stand up for myself, a lot of respect was lost for me and said ugly things continued. Sorry for the ambiguity of this post, but I don't really want to get in to the details.
So, last night, I made myself write them all down. And told myself I was worth more than that. And I felt better. And went to bed. Except, that my subconscious wasn't quite ready. And so the dreams came.

What I remember the most in my dream was being in a hotel room (symbolic of undergoing some shift or transition, need to move away from old habits & old way of thinking*)and bawling, feeling lost, sad and angry (crying in a dream is symbolic of suppressed hurt coming to the surface). A friend of mine came by to gift me with presents -- nurturing things like bubble bath, fashion magazine (yes I believe those are nurturing), etc. (it's possible the gifts represented my need to take care of/ nurture myself or the symbolism of a present could be just that -- I need to focus on the present/the now/ the today). There was another scene where I was at a sushi restaurant (sushi symbolizes the need to acknowledge my spiritual side) with a group of people and we decided to move to the restaurant next door after our meal. Except one girl in the group refused so I told her she needed to suck it up and face whatever it was that was in the other restaurant that she was afraid of (this I believe was me yelling at a part of me about facing fears). Instead of the girl being mad and defensive, she went and was friendly to me (tough love works maybe?).

Today, I feel tired. But renewed with what possibly my dream is telling me. And today, I start building myself up. Creating a confidence that shows the world that I am beginning to believe that I am worthy.

*all dream symbol analysis was found using a little tool I love on the Internet called Google. Google, you complete me

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