Mirror, mirror

It’s almost the weekend! Thank goodness. And it is really nice outside today and I don’t have to work after work. I do need to write my paper (I feel like I always says this, but I don’t do it…I promise tomorrow I will be able to write that I am done this paper), but first I am going to take my dog for a walk along the river. I live ten minutes from the Bow River, but I don’t take advantage of this fact at all. My dog will be so thrilled with all of the new scents!
Yesterday a friend of mine accused me of being selfish. Although I explained things to her and she recanted her original thought, it made me think. She said that all I care about is my own happiness and I look at the world through rose-coloured glasses. I think in a lot of ways she is right. I don’t like feeling sad or frustrated. Once you get in the habit of feeling sad, it is really hard to feel happy which makes you even sadder (does this make sense?). After my ex broke my heart (and by break, I mean he tore the beating entity right out of my chest, threw it on the ground, stomped all over it, put it back in my chest and repeated the process two or three more times), I was sad for a long time. And it was hard to not feel sad. When I discovered little by little things that could make me feel human again, I clung to them. I never want to feel that low again. I felt as though I fell to the bottom of a hole and although I could see people at the top reaching out to me, I couldn’t reach their hands and slowly I had to scale that hole myself until I was close enough to allow another human to touch me (his name is A –well his initial anyway).
Is it wrong that I want to look at the world in rose-coloured glasses? Or try to anyway? I don’t think so. I know I need to be realistic and that not everything is going to be beautiful and shiny all of the time, but it is easier to deal with all of the rain clouds when you can focus on the glimpse of blue sky.
I was shocked when I read the email my friend sent me. I didn’t believe any of her accusations were just... I am in my mid-twenties-- I am focusing on me, my life, my goals, my dreams, and my future. If I don’t start focusing on me now, and the life that I want, when will I? Am I supposed to be part of the crowd my whole life? Living their dreams, wanting their wants? What’s the point of living, if it is for other people?

Maybe I am selfish.