Three week hiatus from Blogger sipping Vodka in Latvia

(Are they known for Vodka? Or is that just a Russian thing?)I leave in four hours. I am excited and ready to board that plane NOW!!!! I can't wait to learn more about the world and myself in the next three weeks.
I most likely will not have Internet access over there. Possibly a good thing because maybe a three week vacation from facebook alone is what I need to gain a better perspective on life.
I will be home July 16 2008. Please look forward to reading about my adventures and don't think I abandoned my Blog.

Later Gators!


PS. Check out this website . I am in love with it. I want to have a beach party and as a centre piece have a cupcake beach. SO CUTE!!!

What dreams may come

The countdown is on (actually it has been going since I pretty much started this Blog, but now I am reaching the final hours) and I have so much to do! I need to clean my house so that when I get home it’s not a complete disaster. My brother is staying with my furry babies, but I don’t think J is big into cleaning. Keeping things tidy sure, but not cleaning. And three weeks is a long time with no cleaning. I figure I power wash it now, it won’t be so bad when I get back. I also have a lot of little things I need to buy before I go. I was going to go on my lunch break today to Shoppers, but the rain will keep me indoors. Which is fine, I have some reading I can do for school and my manager is away today 
I started making a list of everything I need to pack and tonight I want to start putting some of it in a suitcase as well as lay the clothes out to see how many outfits I can make mixing and matching. I was going to do this last night, but A surprised me at the toy store and came over to see me. It may be the last time I see him before I leave. And then when I get back, he is off on a European adventure with a friend of his from A’s hometown in Newfoundland. They are going to some Heavy Metal festival in Germany. Not my thing, but he will love it! I am going to miss him a lot.
I keep having dreams about doors. I wonder if this means I am entering a new phase of life. I am a little bit concerned as I looked up the meaning in the dream dictionary and all connotations are negative. Last night, I was building doors in my dream. I am trying to think what a door represents for me and I think because I am creating one, maybe it means that I am creating this new phase of my life I am entering. Hopefully it is positive.

Credit Card Usage

I just returned from the pet hospital. Sometime today, while playing in the reservoir, my dog broke her nail so that it was barely hanging on. There was a lot of blood that I didn't notice till we got home and she left a trail on the tiles. Right away I had A drive us to the emergency pet hospital, where Molly was put under and her nail removed. $275 later, I have a happy dog and a regular heartbeat again. It sucks that I had to use my credit card, but I am glad I had it.
I leave in a few days for my trip. I am very excited, but now nervous about my dog and cat. My brother is going to stay with them and I know that they will most likely be fine, but what if? I know my brother will call my mom and she will be able to handle the fiscal side of an emergency. But still, I hate thinking I will be so far away and pretty much unreachable if something were to happen... Scary!
I will worry about this charge when I get back. I am going to be paid twice while I am gone and unable to touch the money. I will also get a measly 8 hour cheque from the toy store while I am gone too. I am hoping to make some major monetary changes, and some debt destruction when I get back.

My trip savings

I saved $1000 for my trip. Diligently, since January, I have put away $100 a paycheque and watched my money accumulate. I have never saved before in my life. I am now leaving in 6 days, but the idea of taking that money out is unnerving. I worked hard to get it to $1000 and it took a lot of strength and will power to not touch that money with the promise that I will pay it back later.
The whole purpose of saving that money is here and now I don't want to touch it so I am trying to think of other ways to come up with $1000 in 6 days. I am ridiculous.

Garden of Eden

Here is an update of my garden...that isn't quite as lush as the title would suggest,but one can dream.



My new tomatoes are sprouting and I can only hope grow strong. I think I properly hardened them off this time around. I am waiting patiently for my zucchinis to blossom. But we are experiencing Monsoon June and this weekend is the first time I have glimpsed sunshine in weeks.

The Happiness Project

I picked up an issue of Money Sense this weekend. I figured it would be better for my brain then my usual Cosmo, which I notice follows the same schedule year after year, month after month. I am sure most magazines do that, but Money Sense is new to me. I don't think I will continue buying it as it doesn't make money sense to me to throw away $5 every month, so I am going to see if the library subscribes to it. And every month I am going to Snowflake that $5.

Anyway, the back page notes 6 books or blogs people should read. I found this site and I love it! What a great idea. I want to start my own happiness project and I think in a way, I already am with this blog. My money, my garden, my random thoughts all are leading me to feel much better about myself resulting in happiness. When I was younger, people described me as sunshine. It feels like over the years I am getting duller because of dissatisfaction and this tires me. I want to be bright sunshine again! I look forward to continuing to read this happiness blog and work on my own project. If everyone had a happiness project, imagine the world we could live in...

And in financial news, A gave me $200 as a gift for putting up with him for 2 years. And a beautiful tropical plant. I wasn't expecting the money, but he told me it was for my trip. This means that I have reached my Latvia goal of $1000 in spending money! Thanks sexy man I call lover. :)

Zen Dragon

My midterm is tomorrow morning. I am still working on this essay. School is tougher when I don’t have due dates written in stone…I tend to wait until the last minute. Athabasca University’s guidelines suggest that all assignments are completed in order given but it is up to me. I wanted this paper done and handed in way before the midterm, but looks like that won’t be happening. I am almost halfway done and I am using my work day to toil over it. I am hoping to be at least 2/3rds by the end of the day and finish it up tonight. I can then put it in the mail on my walk over to the exam centre tomorrow morning. But I can not stress anymore if it’s not done. As long as it is done by the end of the weekend, I will be okay.

Tomorrow is A and my two year anniversary. I am making him dinner and we are staying in, playing board games, listening to some jazz. I have to work Sunday. Glad for the money, but wish I could just sleep. I am excited for July as I will be getting three paycheques from my full time job and not in town for half the month to spend anything. I will be able to do some major debt cleanup when I get back from my trip.

I am living off of tea today for caffeine. I need to focus on my paper. I am trying to write a paragraph an hour while I am at work, but also trying to appear as though I am actually working.

I need to be fierce with this task, but have to remain calm, keep my composure, relax and just let the words flow. I can not wait to be done school. I wish I had gone full time when I had the chance. Just did it and got it over with.

♥ ♦ ♣ ♠

June Goal number 4 completed!

I paid the Ramada Hotel charge off yesterday. My next paycheque from the toy store is going to be over $200 so I can easily pay the Dream theatre charge.

I only have 11 more days of work till I leave for Latvia! :)

♀ ♂

My friend that is having the Halloween themed wedding just asked me to be a bridesmaid. I have never been a bridesmaid before and I am super excited! I can't wait to see what Halloween costume I have to wear as a bridesmaid. What a great way to start off a Monday. :)

Mirror, mirror

It’s almost the weekend! Thank goodness. And it is really nice outside today and I don’t have to work after work. I do need to write my paper (I feel like I always says this, but I don’t do it…I promise tomorrow I will be able to write that I am done this paper), but first I am going to take my dog for a walk along the river. I live ten minutes from the Bow River, but I don’t take advantage of this fact at all. My dog will be so thrilled with all of the new scents!
Yesterday a friend of mine accused me of being selfish. Although I explained things to her and she recanted her original thought, it made me think. She said that all I care about is my own happiness and I look at the world through rose-coloured glasses. I think in a lot of ways she is right. I don’t like feeling sad or frustrated. Once you get in the habit of feeling sad, it is really hard to feel happy which makes you even sadder (does this make sense?). After my ex broke my heart (and by break, I mean he tore the beating entity right out of my chest, threw it on the ground, stomped all over it, put it back in my chest and repeated the process two or three more times), I was sad for a long time. And it was hard to not feel sad. When I discovered little by little things that could make me feel human again, I clung to them. I never want to feel that low again. I felt as though I fell to the bottom of a hole and although I could see people at the top reaching out to me, I couldn’t reach their hands and slowly I had to scale that hole myself until I was close enough to allow another human to touch me (his name is A –well his initial anyway).
Is it wrong that I want to look at the world in rose-coloured glasses? Or try to anyway? I don’t think so. I know I need to be realistic and that not everything is going to be beautiful and shiny all of the time, but it is easier to deal with all of the rain clouds when you can focus on the glimpse of blue sky.
I was shocked when I read the email my friend sent me. I didn’t believe any of her accusations were just... I am in my mid-twenties-- I am focusing on me, my life, my goals, my dreams, and my future. If I don’t start focusing on me now, and the life that I want, when will I? Am I supposed to be part of the crowd my whole life? Living their dreams, wanting their wants? What’s the point of living, if it is for other people?

Maybe I am selfish.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

I took the day off yesterday as I was exhausted. I slept until noon. I wanted to use the afternoon to write my paper, but as a procrastinator that did not happen. I need a severe kick in the butt! My due date for this paper is Friday. I am going to a movie premier with my aunt tonight who scored tickets through work. Tomorrow I am free, but Friday night I am working. So that leaves me tomorrow night to write a 2500 word paper (which isn’t really a lot…most of my blog posts are around 300 words and take less than 15 minutes to write. I brought my books with me to work and I am hoping to pound out a couple of paragraphs. After the movie tonight, I hope to write one more paragraph. Rinse and repeat for tomorrow.
On my walk into downtown this morning, I picked up a brochure for SWAP: working holidays. I am fantasizing what it would be like to teach English for a year in China, or work in a pub in Ireland. I don’t know if I could handle being away from A, my friends and my pets for a year, but the experience would be amazing. I am going to keep it in my mind and see where I am at with school next summer. Some of the SWAP programs, I have till I am 30 to participate so I am not in a huge rush. And maybe in a year A will want to come too, and my dad will take care of my furry kids.
On the financial front I am pleased to say that I was able to end May with $11 left in my account, contributed $200 to my Latvian fund, and $100 to my down payment fund. I also paid $456.35 to my debt.
And yesterday I did end up replanting new cherry tomato seeds. I will keep this pot inside until sweltering plus 30 degree Celsius days. I couldn’t find green peppers at the grocery store I was in, but tonight before the movie I will check out Zellers. I also decided to experiment with watermelons too. Maybe I will get one or two little ones. ☺

Watering my garden with tears

I thought it was time. The sun was warm and I thought it would be nice all day. I thought a few hours in fresh air would be good for all. The zucchini loves it out there and the pot of beans and peas too. My oldest babies though, my green pepper and my *tear* tomato plants, did not thrive at all. Instead they have lost strength and are now drooping with what appears as exhaustion of life.I can only hope that kind words and strong roots will strengthen their bodies and they will learn to stand straight looking for the sun. Today is the saddest way to start June.