I am at a place in my life where many of my peers are getting married, having children, buying houses, climbing corporate ladders, branching out as self employers. I feel left behind, yet still so unsure what exactly it is I want to do with my life or how to achieve the things I think I might want to do. I want all of those things too and I want them now.
I have to remember that I might be on a different path than my peers. And that there will always be people -- friends and strangers-- on this same path as me. Sometimes my path will cross other people's, sometimes my path will run parallel, sometimes my path might lead me into a dark scary place with no map and only my wits to survive. I have to have patience. The things I want will come. All I can do is continue on and make choices that will aid in my growth and push me in the direction of the place I want to end up.
I live in an Instamatic society -- instant food, shows on demand, information at my fingertips. When you want some things in this society, you can reach out and touch them. I think this is why it's hard for me to deal with the reality that not everything I want or know I want can be obtained this way.
It feels like every time I look up another friend or acquaintance is sharing news of an engagement, buying a home, having a child. I feel excited for this person, but also nervous that I won't ever be able to share in the joy they feel. It's like the difference between sympathy and empathy, but on the happiness side (can anyone help me out with the words I am looking for here?)... I want to be able to empathize the joy, really feel, share in it, relish in it.
I try to look at what I have accomplished in life and be proud of where I am today. I try to remember that those things will all happen for me when they are supposed to.
I want to acquire the virtue of patience. I want to enjoy each day for the little joys and remember the moments. I need to stop waiting for things to happen, and knowing I can not exactly make them happen if the time isn't right, I want to enjoy the journey.
I need to embrace being a snail...and seeing the beauty in my life as I slowly cross each bridge.