Earlier this week I was sure I had murdered my Ficus tree. Or was at least an accomplice to the murder of my Ficus tree (I feel Oryx also had a hand in this too as he keeps thinking the tree is actually his private jungle gym). Only two green leaves remained on the bleak, lifeless branches. Google informed me that having at least one green leaf did mean that there was life still in the trunk of the tree, but I worried about its soul.
Last night I was sitting in my new favorite chair (more like a nest really) under the tree reading. I have my best lighting there to simulate sunshine in my North-facing darkened apartment. I stretched at one point, and looking up I noticed little bits of green sprouts shooting off the naked branches! EXCITING! I know it may take months for this tree to fully recover from whatever shock it was that caused it to lose all of its leaves, but it's inspiring to see some growth.
I am a lot like this Ficus. I went through a bit of a shock last Spring. And tried my hardest to not allow it to affect my outward appearance, but tired of keeping up a facade, I finally let my leaves drop off so that I could focus on nurturing my soul. Some days are harder then others. Some days it feels as though I am lifeless, cold and stagnant. Those are the hardest days and I struggle to not allow those feelings to cover me like a large blanket in false protection from the outside world.
Other days, I catch my reflection by surprise and I see tiny little sprouts of growth. Those days are filled with me smiling and laughing. I truly feel alive and in love with my life. Those are the days that I realize that there is still energy left in my core and I can handle whatever shocks come my way. I may react by becoming somewhat deciduous, but the seasons will change and soon enough I will be vibrant and hearty again.