Zig Zagging Down the Hill Heel Side

Today's snowboard lesson had us learning how to zig-zag down the hill on heel side and toe side. This is preparing us for turning which will be taught next week. We graduated from the magic carpet and the bunny hill to the chair lift. I was terrified. I don't do heights well, especially when I am sitting on an open chair with a little bar to hold me in and I have extra weight on my feet (or foot as only one is strapped into your board when riding the chairlift).
I faced my fear and got on that chair (or was told I had to by my instructor which is possibly the best way to face your fear) and rode to the top of the hill. We are only learning at Canada Olympic Park so it's not a massive hill, but was used for the 1988 Olympics so must meet some sort of height criteria. I guess what I am saying is that I was not on a mountain (yet). Our instructor told us we could go down the hill whichever way we felt most comfortable (I chose heel side as I like seeing where I am going) and we were off.
The speed and the feeling of wind against your face was exhilarating. Navigating your way around people and dealing with steeper slopes was exhilarating. Making it all the way to the bottom without falling my first time was exhilarating. I felt so free and cool and alive out there. I fell in love with snowboarding.
Our lesson is only an hour and a half long, so after class I met another girl who signed up through GirlTalk, but is slightly more advanced then my class. We had lunch and then spent the afternoon practicing. This is where I began to fall a lot more. But it was okay because I knew with each fall it was because I was getting more daring and trying harder to excel and that I could just get back up and continue down the slope.

The chair lift still makes me a little bit nervous (getting on and off can be tricky). I am super excited for next Sunday where we will learn turns and I will slide down the hill using both toe side and heel side to navigate around from side to side. I am all about extreme zig zagging!

Next year, after more and more practice, I may even try a jump!

A Note from the Universe

Sometimes, Laura, having more fun and being happier comes from looking for each in crazy, new places; instead of waiting for them to come from where you've found them before or where others are now finding them.

And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing. Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness, totally accepting others, and grasping even higher ideals. Philosophically taking yourself to places few have ever dared before.

Red hot smokin' love,
The Universe

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Intentional Living: Patience

I am at a place in my life where many of my peers are getting married, having children, buying houses, climbing corporate ladders, branching out as self employers. I feel left behind, yet still so unsure what exactly it is I want to do with my life or how to achieve the things I think I might want to do. I want all of those things too and I want them now.

I have to remember that I might be on a different path than my peers. And that there will always be people -- friends and strangers-- on this same path as me. Sometimes my path will cross other people's, sometimes my path will run parallel, sometimes my path might lead me into a dark scary place with no map and only my wits to survive. I have to have patience. The things I want will come. All I can do is continue on and make choices that will aid in my growth and push me in the direction of the place I want to end up.

I live in an Instamatic society -- instant food, shows on demand, information at my fingertips. When you want some things in this society, you can reach out and touch them. I think this is why it's hard for me to deal with the reality that not everything I want or know I want can be obtained this way.

It feels like every time I look up another friend or acquaintance is sharing news of an engagement, buying a home, having a child. I feel excited for this person, but also nervous that I won't ever be able to share in the joy they feel. It's like the difference between sympathy and empathy, but on the happiness side (can anyone help me out with the words I am looking for here?)... I want to be able to empathize the joy, really feel, share in it, relish in it.

I try to look at what I have accomplished in life and be proud of where I am today. I try to remember that those things will all happen for me when they are supposed to.
I want to acquire the virtue of patience. I want to enjoy each day for the little joys and remember the moments. I need to stop waiting for things to happen, and knowing I can not exactly make them happen if the time isn't right, I want to enjoy the journey.

I need to embrace being a snail...and seeing the beauty in my life as I slowly cross each bridge.

Crab Walking down the Mountain with Team Hot Mess

Today was my first of three snowboarding lessons held at the local hill in town. I live less than an hour from the Rocky Mountains and for awhile I have thought it was kind of ridiculous that I am not utilizing them more. On my "bucket list" I have learn how to snowboard...that item has been there for so many years. GirlTalk offered a snowboarding session so I jumped on the chance to host it.
Today was beautiful -- clear sky, very sunny and it was about 13 degrees Celsius. Super nice day to be outside learning how to walk with a snowboard on, how to go down the hill forward with weight resting on my heels and then backwards with my weight resting on my toes. Before we learned how to go down the hill, we crabbed walked first which was super weird. A vital aspect to snowboarding I suppose ;-)

The clinic I am in is three sessions that run for an hour and a half Sunday mornings (so today and the next two weeks). The girls in my clinic are awesome. We are very supportive of one another and cheer each other on while we learn some new skills. Hopefully I have made some new friends that will want to head out to the mountains with me one day to tackle a harder slope.

Today was a pretty good day. And I only fell once! :) I will have some pictures next week. I can't wait.

Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday and marks the first day of Lent. I usually give up something (last year, I gave up the convenience of the cafeteria at work, the year before coca cola -- very difficult as I ♥ Coca Cola like nothing else...), but this year I was thinking I could spend the next 40 days nurturing myself. Forty days pampering myself. Forty days forgiving myself and being nice to myself.

I know that the point is to give up something so that you understand sacrifice. I was raised Catholic, but in no way am I devout. I think the idea of changing one's behavior and being conscious about one's actions for forty days is important too. Which is why I am going to spend the next forty days listening to my needs and taking care of myself.

Day 1? I am going to have a hot bath, listen to Norah and let the stress of today go...

Feeling ....I don't know

I'm sorry my blog has been low lately. I have been dealing with a cloud over my head and I am fighting to make it blow away and that leaves me feeling run down. I am tired. I feel like I haven't slept decently in weeks. Its hard to sit at my desk and concentrate.

This weekend was somewhat upbeat. I rearranged furniture in the hopes the change would make me feel different -- and it worked! I sipped tea, and played copious amounts of UNO online.

I read Push in one sitting (which was not an upbeat book in subject matter, yet was inspiring watching Precious grow and stand up for herself). I don't know if I could watch the movie and sit through all of that again. This being said, I do think you should read Push. Just be prepared to be uncomfortable through out most of it.

I purchased Nora Jones's new album and it's okay. I think her first album is still the best one.

I went shoe shopping...and walked away empty handed! I knew then that something is seriously bothering me (just kidding, I know that something is seriously bothering me with or without new shoes).

I am in Kaileen Elise's blog gift swap and today I finished up my care package to mail out tomorrow. That was mood altering! I hope that my gift brings joy to somebody :)

And now I am just sitting here blogging, thinking about how tomorrow I have to get through another day and feeling not inspired by what tomorrow has to offer. I need a change in my life. I am starting to look at other options in ways to spend my days, but worried about making a decision at this time.

Things that were great about today:
I ordered my bridesmaid dress for the BFF's wedding. And putting it out to the universe that it gets here by May 15th.
Care package is completed and ready to be mailed out tomorrow
Enjoyed cheesecake flavoured ice cream with chocolate chips and raspberries from marble slab
Had a nice chat with someone very important to me and crossing my fingers in that area.
Gardening stuff is starting to be put out as well...excited to plant and nurture something physical which may help me nurture my soul.

Weekend To Do List

Hurray for a long weekend! Monday is Family Day which means no work :)

I will clean and organize my house creating a space that is less cluttered than my head
I will find the perfect pair of shoes to match my bridesmaid dress
I will write my challenge essay for CanLit
I will finish The Lovely Bones for Food and Fiction next Thursday
I will be proud of my accomplishments (big and small) and the little ways I am exercising patience

Hi blog

I am tired of being sad. So starting right now I am determined to be happy. I am sad because I feel I have no control over certain areas of my life...the ones I want most control in. So fine, I relinquish my desire to have that control and I am going to focus on what I do have control over. I have control over making sure I eat properly and being presentable. I have control over how I spend my evenings...which means I foresee a lot of bubble baths and catching up on reading that is not school related and watching movies I like and moving ahead with my goal to complete my degree this year. I have control over getting out of bed every morning, with a smile, happy to have another day to face.

I am putting all the things that are making me sad right now into the universe's hands for the moment. I need to take care of me and I need a clear mind to take care of me. I have to believe that some force out there bigger than me knows exactly why everything is happening this way. I am determined to make better choices when the time arrives for me to make one or two or ten (choices).

Starting right now, with this post, I am going to be happier. And smile. And remember all of the things I have accomplished even if the one thing I really really wanted to happen never came to fruit. I like myself more when I think of everything I have accomplished. I like myself more when I am not under a constant cloud of sorrow. I believe I see a little bit of sunshine peeking through.

Dear Universe

I am putting it out there in the hopes you can hear and maybe help me out. I request a happy ending please (and I am not talking about the type of happy ending that takes place in certain massage parlour establishments). I am standing on the side of the road right now because I decided to get out of the vehicle I was in and walk -- not realizing that although in the end this might be the right path, it is also the path that forces me to deal with a lot of my own thoughts and external weather. Please give me a sign universe that I was supposed to do this. A sign that may also state that I am generally headed in the right direction to enter the emerald city. I realize that at times I may venture off this yellow brick road, but if I could just know that I am heading in the right direction I would greatly appreciate it.

Finally Universe, could you please send the Sandman my way? I am kind of tired, but my thoughts, anxieties, worries etc. are keeping me up till strange hours of the morning. Unfortunately, I am then expected to be sitting at my desk every day too which cuts into any sleep I do manage to get. You can see how this is wreaking havoc on me a little bit...

And one more note...thank you universe for the things you have provided me so far. Thank you for motivating me enough with hopes and dreams of a brighter day that I can function well enough to keep a roof over my head and my furry children well fed. Thank you for sunshine on my walk home from work today.

Sincerely,
Laura

things that made me smile today

in an effort to feel better, i thought i would focus on what was fabulous today:

i received my marks back in 19th Century Lit. i passed with a B+ which i am super okay with.

i am working on a project at work that is really engaging right now. i am happiest when i am busy.

i had a wonderful conversation with my tutor yesterday who provided me with tips to help me grow as a writer. i am excited to try out her suggestions.

i had a good conversation last night that has left me feeling more calm today. i am trying to enjoy this possible eye of the storm.

My cocoon is bursting

I have a new manager at work and she told me that sometimes when one's cocoon breaks open there is a little bit of pain. Right now I have a lot of pain in life. It's hard to get out of bed. It's hard to smile at friends, family and strangers and pretend that everything is normal. It's hard to stop myself from freaking right out. When my manager said this to me, she was discussing the new dynamics of our department. I think the reason this new manager came into my life the moment she did is because I needed to hear this piece of wisdom to apply to my personal life.

Yes, I am feeling copious amounts of pain right now. I am doubled over and I am having issues believing the pain will subside. But this pain is because my cocoon is bursting. I am going through a change and any moment my wings will unfold and I will be able to soar.

"If there was never any change, there wouldn't be butterflies" -unknown

One of my favorite quotes. Things will be okay. This is all making me stronger, smarter and more successful.

February

Hello friend,
I am so glad you are here. January was filled with surprises and lots of stressed-filled moments. I am hoping the 28 days you encompass will be less roller coaster and more Ferris wheel as that is my hope for 2010.

This month will be busy though. Here is my month to-do list
1. CanLit Challenge Essay (to be done Feb long wknd - Feb 13-15)
2. CanLit Challenge Final (to be written Feb 27)
3.Learn to Snowboard (am hosting a 3 week clinic with GirlTalk through Canada Olympic Park the last two Sundays of February and the 1st Sunday of March)
4. Organize my psychology course so that I can complete it by March 31
5.Hang pictures in bathroom and living room
6. Purchase a dining room table so that I have somewhere to sit and eat!
7. Set up some automatic transfers to regain control over my money
8.Read The Lovely Bones and create some discussion questions for book club meeting on 18th. More of a format where if there is a lull in conversation can use questions as a reference?
9.Compare a few different models of kind of car I want. Go for some test drives. Try to come to a decision
10. Organize Birth week celebration that will be commencing in March

It's heart month, so I need to also remember to take some time to nurture myself. Does anyone have any suggestions on ways to nurture ones self?