Almost to the date, a year ago I posted discovering this artist named Gotye. And just recently a group of people did a cover of his song "Somebody that I used to know" and the web-iverse is a-twitter with how awesome Gotye is.
I love this song. I think about my ex(es) and the decision I made to completely cut them out of my life after we broke up. I don't like the idea of being friends with someone I imagined an intimate forever with. I want the best for those men and hope that they find whatever it is they were looking for, but I don't want to be on the sidelines rooting for them as they reach milestones in life that each one of those men promised to share with me. Don't read into this. I am not jaded and angry AND I am super happy in the relationship I am in right now. And I think cutting off those ties to the last relationships helps me strive to be a better person in this relationship. To continue growing and not settle in the patterns of my last relationships. Plus it allows me to focus on the relationship I am in now, instead of watching my ex get married or buy a house or have babies or whatever it is he is doing these days and lamenting that it could have been me.
It wasn't ever supposed to be me. I am supposed to be right here, right now. And I am thrilled I am not jaded, that I still have hope in my heart that I deserve the happily ever after I have always dreamed of (even though I know that happy endings take a lot of work and effort at times).
When I hear this song, I am reminded though of those men I was once so in tune with. I knew their favorite meals, the size of their jeans, the lines to the movies they liked to watch over-and-over. And now, those guys are strangers. I don't even know if I would recognize some of those guys from a long time ago if I passed them on the street. I have no idea if some of those guys still live in the city, or if their paths took them somewhere else. I wonder if any of them think of me and the time when we were together when the Interwebs pushed that song onto their facebook or twitter feed?
All I have are the handful of memories of "somebody I used to know." And a million empty canvases to create new memories with the one I know now.
1 comment:
I hadn't heard this song before. Thank you for the link to it! You expressed your thoughts about this so beautifully. It's what I've been trying to work on the past year and coming to terms with the fact that my ex and I just weren't meant to be. And that's okay. I'm still working on the latter, but it will come. Blocking any contact with him has really helped move me away from that backsliding energy. So happy to hear that you've found such a great guy. :)
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