Almost to the date, a year ago I posted discovering this artist named Gotye. And just recently a group of people did a cover of his song "Somebody that I used to know" and the web-iverse is a-twitter with how awesome Gotye is.
I love this song. I think about my ex(es) and the decision I made to completely cut them out of my life after we broke up. I don't like the idea of being friends with someone I imagined an intimate forever with. I want the best for those men and hope that they find whatever it is they were looking for, but I don't want to be on the sidelines rooting for them as they reach milestones in life that each one of those men promised to share with me. Don't read into this. I am not jaded and angry AND I am super happy in the relationship I am in right now. And I think cutting off those ties to the last relationships helps me strive to be a better person in this relationship. To continue growing and not settle in the patterns of my last relationships. Plus it allows me to focus on the relationship I am in now, instead of watching my ex get married or buy a house or have babies or whatever it is he is doing these days and lamenting that it could have been me.
It wasn't ever supposed to be me. I am supposed to be right here, right now. And I am thrilled I am not jaded, that I still have hope in my heart that I deserve the happily ever after I have always dreamed of (even though I know that happy endings take a lot of work and effort at times).
When I hear this song, I am reminded though of those men I was once so in tune with. I knew their favorite meals, the size of their jeans, the lines to the movies they liked to watch over-and-over. And now, those guys are strangers. I don't even know if I would recognize some of those guys from a long time ago if I passed them on the street. I have no idea if some of those guys still live in the city, or if their paths took them somewhere else. I wonder if any of them think of me and the time when we were together when the Interwebs pushed that song onto their facebook or twitter feed?
All I have are the handful of memories of "somebody I used to know." And a million empty canvases to create new memories with the one I know now.