Love you, most

Perfect love cannot be without equality.
- Scottish Proverb

So we may have morphed into that super annoying couple who tell each other we love the other one more. I know, right? I became part of that couple I hate, but only hate because I was so green with envy. You know what I mean. You hate that couple too because you want to be that couple.

The honest truth though is that neither of us love the other more. If one did, this wouldn't work. One of us would be giving more to the other, an imbalance would be created, feelings of resentment could rear their ugly heads and we would be on a path of destruction.

Equality in all relationships is important. Be it with your lover, your friend, your family or your co-workers. There should be give and take. You should want to do kind things for one another without thinking about what you'll get in return, but you should also feel as though there is some return. Every day I feel so lucky thinking about the things Jason does for me. This helps motivate me to reciprocate. Which in turn motivates him.

This morning I told Jason that there was no way he could love me more. Because love is not something that can be measured or weighed or calculated. Love is not a thing, but an action. And as long as we treat each other the same way, we are going to make it no matter what life throws at us. And he replied that I was right.

And this little thing, this knowing we are on the same page? It's an amazing feeling. It makes me all gushy and mushy and part of that couple. That couple that has something real and forever.


"Love is patient; love is kind; it does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
I Corinthians

Playing Grown Up

Last night I was supposed to join my friends at a little espresso bar downtown to indulge in some wine and live jazz. I was so pumped to go. Until I opened my mailbox and discovered my phone bill. With a lot of charges. From the last 3 months. Oops!

I decided that there are going to be a lot of opportunities in the future to sip wine and converse while chilling out to the sounds of cellos, saxophones, drums and pianos. And called to announce I wouldn't be able to make it while I dutifully paid my overdue bill.

I could have done both. I could have gone and had a cup of tea instead of a glass of wine. I could have waited a few more days to pay my bill and enjoyed my planned evening. But part of a being a grown up is making tough choices that will benefit my future. And taking care of that bill made me feel better right away. More so than a few glasses of wine and still owing that money this morning would have made me feel.

Rainman and I have been talking a lot lately about our future. And making sure we take care of all financial obligations we each have. We talk about how we are in this together and how we will attack all loans together so that these things can be out of our lives once and for all. It's the most comforting thing in the world to know that I have a partner in all of this. We have laid it all out on the table what we each owe and to whom. Working together to get through this is helping solidify our relationship.

Which is why last night I made the grown up choice to stay home, brew some tea, pay my bill and listen to some jazz on the stereo. making sacrifices today so that he and I can have a super fulfilling life tomorrow is worth it.

Sunday Stealing: The never ending meme (that ends...)

1. Song that always makes you sad? Sinead's "Nothing Compares to You". Reminds me of that time after a breakup when you think life can never go on. I get sad thinking about the girl I was at that time. I want to go back and give her a hug and let her cry.

2. Last thing you bought? New boots. My winter boots' zipper broke while at the shoe store. I can only believe it was a sign from the shoe Gods. My mom's bf gave me a gift card, so I guess I didn't really buy them...

3. Last person you argued with? I have no idea. I don't really argue with people. Maybe Jason, but when we argue, it usually is because we ask if we are interested in having a fight and it usually turns ridiculous. Especially the time we decided to sing our fight as though we were in a musical. Try it, you can't stay mad while singing :)

4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on? I sure do! I think it tastes better.

5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid? Cuddles, my cabbage patch kid koosa cat. He still sits on my shelf.

6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD? Yes. That's me in Grade Nine baby!

7. Favorite day of the week? Friday: breakfast with the 82 crew, sometimes beers after work with the sales guys, movies with Jason and no work the next day :)

8. Favorite sundae topping? strawberries

9. Did you take piano lessons? no. but maybe one day

10. Most frequent song played? "F*ck you" on Dr. Dre's Chronic 2001. I know every word to this CD and frequently have the lyrics playing in my head while looking innocent in work meetings.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? It's no secret, but I am still ashamed: Jersey Shore

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Hockey! I am Canadian after all and even though basketball was invented here, I like the feeling of cold air on my cheeks and the sounds of blades scraping on an outdoor rink after the sun goes down.

13. Date someone older or younger? I have dated younger (only a year) and prefer older (the one I am with now is 5 years older which seems to be perfect).

14. One place you could travel right now? Paris, mon amie!

15. Do you use umbrellas? Yes. But then the wind sneaks up and turns the umbrella inside out resulting in it to become useless.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? yes.

17. Favorite cheese? Gouda.

18. The Smith’s or The Cure? The Cure. I only kind of like The Smith's because they were mentioned in 500 days of Summer.

19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes? I thought brunettes, but Jason is blonde and he's hot.

20. Best job you ever had? I really like my job right now. Lots of opportunities and I am constantly learning.

21. Did you go to your high school prom? Yes. What a shit show.

22. Perfect time to wake up? between 5:30 and 6 a.m. This provides me with the ability to tackle some chores and i feel productive before even settling into my desk.

23. Perfect time to go to bed? I would love to say 10. But I usually stay up till around midnight.

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess? No. I like my rook and do not use my queen till both rooks have been sacrificed.

25. Ever been in a car accident? I sure have!

26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither? Both. I am a daddy's girl, but can count on my mom in a lot of ways too.

27. What age is this exciting life over for you? I have no idea, but I hope its when I am into my 80s.

28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? The 80s. The 90s was fun, but I think the fashion in the 80s would have been fun to wear as a teenager (what the kids are wearing now I guess).

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? My apple green skate shoes. Followed closely by my over the knee boots.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? Yes. Jason makes fun of me for still wearing some things I bought in high school. But classics are classics and I haven't grown a whole lot in the last 12 years.

31. Were you in track and field? Yes. I joined because I had a crush on a boy on the team. I started running to hang out with him more. It didn't work out, but I still enjoy running :)

32. Were you ever in a school talent show? No.

33. Have you ever written in a library book? Yes. I have a bad habit of jotting down my thoughts in the margin when a passage speaks to me.

34. Allergic to? Nothing.

35. Favorite fruit? Strawberries. Followed by watermelon and bananas.

36. Have you watched American Horror Story? No.

37. Baseball hat or toque? Toque

38. Do you shampoo or soap up first in the shower? Shampoo

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? Wet the toothbrush

40. Pen or pencil? Pen

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? Yes. But it's not really my thing. I actually feel depressed in the casino watching people become drones looking for that big payout to take care of their problems. I would rather invest my money

42. Have you thrown up on a plane? Yes. Longest 1 hour plane ride of my life.

43. Have you thrown up in a car? No. But I have been too drunk and had a car pulled over so I could throw up on the side of the road. I know. Classy.

44. Have you thrown up at work? Yes.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters? Yes. Most of the fun is being scared :)

46. How many shoes do you have? More than 50, close to a hundred. I don't think I should count.

47. Who was your first roommate? Nimet

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? Vodka Slimes and Candy Apples in the bar, before that I would drink a lot of Mike's Hard Lemonade to get the job done.

49. What was your first job? Company's Coming Cafe

50. What was your first car? My 2010 Corolla Sport :)

51. When did you go to your first funeral? When I was around 11. A good friend of my parent's lost her battle against cancer.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? I have never moved from my hometown. I love this city!

53. Who was your first grade teacher? I have no idea.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Ontario

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I never snuck out of the house actually. Perks of being from a broken home is that no one really noticed what you were up to.

56. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? Um...Hillary maybe? And no.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents’ house? In a town home with Tannis and Danny. Kerker moved in shortly after. He was the best roommate ever.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Jason ♥

59. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Jamie LeBoubon's

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Check Twitter. See what's happening in the world.

61. What was the first concert you attended? The Tea Party or possibly Edgefest.

62. First tattoo or piercing? First Tattoo is my shooting star. First piercing is my belly button.

63. First celebrity crush? Brad Pitt. He's looking older, but still handsome. Leo DiCaprio is up there too!

Red Shoe Diary

Do you remember the show with Fox Mulder before he was Fox Mulder? Where he discovered his wife had an affair on him, devastating him and turning his world upside down? And the only thing he could do to work through the pain was to take out an ad in the local paper asking for stories about other adulterous relationships? Ahhh Showcase (Showtime in America)...you had some real gems.

Yesterday marked the launch of The 2012 Red Pump Project, an initiative to bring awareness to the impact that AIDS and HIV have on women and girls. On March 10, 2012 (a very special date in my world p.s.), they want you to rock your red pumps, showing your support for the cause. That's right! A movement for charity that involves shoes on MY BIRTHDAY means 100% I will be rocking my red pumps (possibly a reason to buy anew pair??)!

I have a lot of girl friends that love the shoes. This could be why we are friends or it could because most girls love the shoes. I have a lot of guy friends that love shoes too. And I don't think it has to red pumps only, feel free to proudly march in your red sneakers, your red loafers, your red rain boots. Let's make sure that every one knows that red is the new black!

Whatever you choose to wear that day, can you do me a favor? Snap a picture and send it to me via twitter (@lowqis) and hashtag with #redshoediary so I can create a Red Shoe Diary of my own and live vicariously through all of your red pride.

Word Play

The scene: cubicle farm
Characters: Jo, LB and Desi

Jo: I love the word banana. It's my favorite word [says banana a few times to herself]
LB: My favorite word is lexicon. It sounds like a super villain or something
Jo: It's crazy how some words just do that to you...just...
LB:... resonate. I love the word resonate too
Jo: Oh! me too!
Desi: I love the word panties. It sounds so nice

[End Scene]

Just another typical conversation on our work reality show I'm Serious*


*Seriously, does anyone want to come film us? We're like this all day folks.

Blue Monday

Calgary has been hit with its first real cold snap of winter. Because we have been so spoiled all season, we are being extremely whiny about it. What would humans do without weather to complain about though, right? The cold drive us all indoors and we hibernate and isolate ourselves within insulation. Apparently today is the most depressing day of the year (taking into calculation the weather, the lack of motivation, debt, time since Christmas and time since failing your New Years Resolution). This of course was a science commissioned by a company for advertising purposes, but one could see the affects that winter is having on those around them and understand why the need to create a calculation would come about.

This past weekend I was reading an article about SAD, season affective disorder, and how it appears to affect many people living in Northern North America (i.e. Canada). I do not suffer from SAD luckily, but I wondered if this had to do with hibernating when it's cold out. I know that I have often left my office on cold winter evenings to rush home and the idea of leaving the warmth of my house, even to get groceries, is not appealing. Even now, thinking about walking to my car and waiting for it to warm up sends shivers down my spine.

I am trying to fill my head with a lot of warm thoughts today: memories of Jamaica, the soup Jason and I made on Saturday night, jalapeno peppers, cozying up under a blanket to read, fireplaces, hot chocolate, bubble baths, etc. etc.

I don't normally mind a bit of winter. I enjoy lacing up my skates to shoot the puck around at the community rink. I love the feeling of the wind hitting my face as I zoom down a hill on either a snowboard or a sled. I revel in the solitude,holding Jason's hand while walking the dog after a fresh snowfall. The perfect temperature for this would be around -10 degrees Celcius (at the least), not this -25 plus wind chill we are suffering with right now.

I know it's only for a week. And it sure doesn't help having a cold snap hit on the most "depressing" day of the year. All I wanted was to stay in bed, but I sucked it up and will get through this. Saturday's balmy -8 can not come fast enough.

Someone that I used to know

Almost to the date, a year ago I posted discovering this artist named Gotye. And just recently a group of people did a cover of his song "Somebody that I used to know" and the web-iverse is a-twitter with how awesome Gotye is.

I love this song. I think about my ex(es) and the decision I made to completely cut them out of my life after we broke up. I don't like the idea of being friends with someone I imagined an intimate forever with. I want the best for those men and hope that they find whatever it is they were looking for, but I don't want to be on the sidelines rooting for them as they reach milestones in life that each one of those men promised to share with me. Don't read into this. I am not jaded and angry AND I am super happy in the relationship I am in right now. And I think cutting off those ties to the last relationships helps me strive to be a better person in this relationship. To continue growing and not settle in the patterns of my last relationships. Plus it allows me to focus on the relationship I am in now, instead of watching my ex get married or buy a house or have babies or whatever it is he is doing these days and lamenting that it could have been me.

It wasn't ever supposed to be me. I am supposed to be right here, right now. And I am thrilled I am not jaded, that I still have hope in my heart that I deserve the happily ever after I have always dreamed of (even though I know that happy endings take a lot of work and effort at times).

When I hear this song, I am reminded though of those men I was once so in tune with. I knew their favorite meals, the size of their jeans, the lines to the movies they liked to watch over-and-over. And now, those guys are strangers. I don't even know if I would recognize some of those guys from a long time ago if I passed them on the street. I have no idea if some of those guys still live in the city, or if their paths took them somewhere else. I wonder if any of them think of me and the time when we were together when the Interwebs pushed that song onto their facebook or twitter feed?

All I have are the handful of memories of "somebody I used to know." And a million empty canvases to create new memories with the one I know now.

Your brother. Remember?

Right now, the annual High Performance Rodeo is taking place in Calgary. One of my favorite websites, Calgary is Awesome, held a draw for two tickets to see the show Your brother. Remember? AND yours truly won :)

Usually on Thursdays, Jason and I like to indulge in tacos and Jersey Shore (feel free to judge, I heart my guidos). This week, we decided to check out this show. Although Jason wasn't a huge fan, I loved it. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I love it.

Basically, this is a show about two brothers, Gator and Zach, who filmed re-enactments of Jean Claude Van Dam movies when they were teenagers. 20 years later, they get together to re-enact and film the same scenes. One brother had chosen the career path of an actor, the other brother had become an addict.

The layering of the mash-ups of the 3 films (the original JCVD film, the scenes from when the brothers were teens and the later re-enactments) provided comic relief to a story that paralleled the similarities between an addict and an actor. Both need motivation to play a role to entice an audience to deliver what is needed. Zach, the younger brother, sits on the stage as these film clips are shown, and occasionally breaks into monologue, reciting letters that Gator wrote to him from prison, in the character of Jean Claude.

I feel the layering added the right amount of depth to this show, although at times it also added a repetitiveness that was tedious to listen to again. The best part was definitely the splicing of the movie clips. Van Dam's acting is ridiculous on its own, but having the parodies cut in heightened this ridiculousness.

The show's running time is about an hour and having some former knowledge of JCVD is helpful in understanding some of Zach's onstage mannerisms.


As a side note, my boyfriend, who wasn't into the arts scene when we met, was the one last night suggesting shows at the opera, the symphony and theatrical productions that we should see. This makes me Tacquito happy. :)

The First Half

It's the second week of January and I am slowly filling my time for 2012.

I have agreed to sit on a committee to organize a brunch to help raise money for breast cancer.

I am sitting on a committee at work that focuses on building networks and mentor-ships among women.

I am still working with a group organizing a monthly weekend breakfast for the people that are staying at Ronald McDonald house.

I signed up for a writers' workshop in February at the Library that has a full day of lectures covering anywhere from researching historical facts, to editing and publishing.

I am dedicating myself to completing a 10k run April 1 and a half-marathon May 26.

And of course, slowly completing those goals on my 30 before 30.

It's the second week of the year. I am super excited at all of the things I am going to complete, be a part of and create more opportunities with.

What I am Reading Wednesday

I have been slowly making my way through my stack of started, half-finished books that gather dust on my nightstand. I went from six to three in the last couple of weeks. It feels great to finish those things that are nagging you and calling for you every time you lie down for sleep.

Right now, I am focused on Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. And I can't get enough. It's fascinating to read about a person so passionate about something, yet so tyrannical. Here is the man who has changed my technology experience (seriously, I just switched to the iPhone and I can't remember my life before it) and one who so many people in this world regard with awe, yet he suffered from serious asshole-ism. Obviously his attitude towards his employees and the reality distortion field that he projects pushed those people to produce amazing products, but at what cost to their mental well-being?

“Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.” Steve jobs

I do have to say that I find the bio fairly inspiring despite Steve's character flaws. He was able to imagine a future of possibilities and create what people wanted before they even knew what they wanted. And he did a lot of this before he was even 30.

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – Think Different, narrated by Steve Jobs



What are you reading?

Chopped!

I am addicted to the Food Network. I don't even have cable and I still manage to get in about 10 hours of Food Network greatness a week (thanks BF who pays for my habit!). I like to think of my time wasted spent as research to help inspire my time in the kitchen.

This month I have decided that I am clearing out my pantry and deep freeze before I go grocery shopping. I am very thankful that I have been watching marathons of the show Chopped where contestants must use secret ingredients that are not normally paired to create a dinner course in 30 minutes. The absolutely delectable dishes that are created have sparked my own creativity.

For example, as I type this I have combined a can of sliced pears and some frozen bass to create a main component of my meal.I am not 100% this will work out But I did find a recipe for salmon baked with peaches on Google, which is pretty close . < UPDATE > I just finished dinner: the pear juice added a sweetness to the fish, the cumin added a little spice to the pear, all in all, definitely going to try this again < /UPDATE >. ... The other night, Jason and I coated fish in jerk seasoning I brought back from Jamaica, fried it in garlic butter and served it with some spinach. Fantastic! Last week, I baked fish in garlic and pepper, covered in a medley of frozen vegetables. Fantastic! And who knows what else I will come up with to use up this frozen fish I have stoked in my freezer.

There are a few side benefits to all of this as well. Namely, I have been having such a blast creating meals, I haven't been eating at the cafeteria and I haven't had the need to hit up the grocery store. So not only am I saving some money (much needed after a very expensive final quarter of 2011), but I am also eating better through out the day.

What is the craziest combo of cupboard cuisine you have created? Would you make it again or was it fit for the trash?

“A first rate soup is better than a second rate painting” Abraham Maslow

I found out something pretty spectacular today -- January is National Soup Month!

And with my recent obsession of watching the Food Network for hours upon hours gathering inspiration to indulge my creativity in the kitchen, this is definitely a fabulous discovery.

You can create so many different kinds of soup. Throw any vegetable in a pot of water, add some meat, spice it up, let it simmer for as little as an hour or all day and VOILA! You have a full meal deal with out any of the bi-products offered at your local (and favorite) fast food joint.

You can make ginormous pots of soup on lazy Sundays, serving it out into perfection portions ready to freeze down and enjoy on more hectic days. You can use up all of those leftovers in your fridge that are on the brink of expiry, feeling better that your hard earned grocery money did not go to waste. You can wow dinner guests by whipping up a creamy alternative to salad to serve as an appetizer. And nothing is better for a cold January day than the smell of a simmering soup steaming up windows and warming up your soul.

In honour of National Soup Month, I have decided that I will celebrate with the creation of a few different soups this weekend to fill my freezer. This of course means I should probably also bake bread and buns, because nothing goes better with soup than a buttered bun to dip into the broth.

Inspire me: What is your favorite kind of soup? And if you feel so inclined, share your recipe :)

CELEBRATION!

My word for 2012 has been chosen.

This is a year about to be filled with sparklers and noisemakers, party hats and streamers.

A year where not only are birthdays and babies, engagements, weddings and graduations are celebrated...

... but also sunrises and sunsets, monetary goals met, new life skills acquired, and moments that grow one's mind.

And a celebration of friendships made and relationships nurtured. And the celebration of my self becoming more and more whole.

There are rumors afloat that this could be the last year of the world.

If you believe or not, take time each day to give thanks AND
celebrate!

I have my dancing shoes on. Come join me!

This is the year....

...that I write more and share my writing with others through workshops and meet up groups

...that I develop my career in a more focused direction

...that I create a deeper connection with my boyfriend, a connection that showcases we are in this together

...that I let go of my 20s and create a stronger foundation for the woman I want to be in my 30s

...that I give 100 hours of my life to various organizations around the city

...that I surround myself with a network of like minded individuals

...that I choose to nurture my body and soul

...that I detoxify the negativity I have carried

This is the year.

365 Days of Gratitude- January

1/1/12:I am thankful to be starting the new year with a man who loves me the way I am
1/2/12:I am thankful for the ability to read. An ability many take for granted and that allows me more daily opportunities
1/3/12: I am thankful to work with awesome people. Missed them during winter break
1/4/12:I am thankful for healthy food to fuel my body and mind
1/5/12: Sunroof open in January
1/6/12: Lunch date with my boyfriend
1/7/12: Seeing old friends as we celebrate the upcoming arrival of their new baby
1/8/12: Food Network Marathons
1/9/12: Naps
1/10/12: Whoever invented dog boots
1/11/12: Winning tickets to a play
1/12/12: date nights
1/13/12: My bff and his wife had a healthy baby boy!
1/14/12: Having a phone conversation with kerker! I miss my b'y!!!
1/15/12: Staying in bed till noon
1/16/12: Evening cups of tea and moments of contemplation
1/17/12:Unconditional love from four legged snugglers
1/18/12: Lots of warm, cute and cozy sweaters on sale. Perfect for this weather
1/19/12:Having my bf cheer me up after some disappointments.
1/20/12:Friday night movie nights
1/21/12:Passing the puck back and forth with my bf was awesome. Thankful for deep freezes creating outdoor rinks.
1/22/12: Chinooks
1/23/12:Thankful that my name was suggested to attend the young professionals luncheon with the premier
1/24/12:A roof over my head and food in my cupboards